I don't think it's an illness but I know I'm not very well adjusted.
To not make it a sob story or anything my family was pretty detached from me as a kid, dad never left his room at home and eventually moved out due to a divorce, mom was always working or watching TV, and thus got games and a computer pretty early on. Also had a cousin who molested me along with a few of his friends, imagine that might've contributed too. But mostly the computer and games, I was raised almost entirely by the internet since I got next to no actual parenting.
Most my mom ever gave me was yelling and beating when I discovered porn, step dad didn't interact at all really, dad was distant. I didn't even have chores or anything, just long as I had good grades I was left alone until someone had a reason to be mad at me. Never had friends really, one in elementary I never got to talk to since my mom never let me out of the house outside of school and shopping with her, one in middle school who I think just put up with me since after we didn't share a period we never talked. And then two in high school, one called me and the other gay and after that I fell out the group.
So the bulk of my social experience is online, I have no clue what friends do when not forced to be together for school or work, and a shitty work ethic since well, no chores or anything to build it. I'm getting better since I had a breakdown a couple years ago, finally decided to continue studying in college for myself instead of 'Family wants me to graduate'.
Still no work experience and pussied out of a walmart job but I am getting better with social stuff. Still can't do it in person, I feel awkward and don't know how to initiate, continue, or anything with body language (I can't even do VRchat). But I've made some ok social bonds online through tabletops and groups with degenerate tastes, so hopefully one day I'll be able to make a real life friend. Or maybe a boy friend but considering I still look like shit and will for a while longer that's not likely.
Still though I'm making progress. I'm way better than I was as a kid or teenager, I'm thinking for myself and doing things because I want to do something. Just kinda feels like picking up a used game and trying to figure out where the old save was, no leads, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
