9ddcaf No.148 [Open Thread]
This is my first essay, or at least the first one I ever bothered to finish and upload.
It is pretty short, but I believe it's summing up the essence of its subject quite well, even if I preferred to not point any fingers towards specific groups in it, if you get what I mean.
Please, do tell me what you think of it how it/I can be improved.
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9ddcaf No.157
This is too unstructured, wavering, and unclear. Much of it reads like a rant against predictable enemies, and the arguments aren't developed finely enough. A lot of information is thrown at the reader and they do not function well in terms of individual paragraphs, it all just seems to support a large rant. Your premise and beliefs are not in question, it is the form that matters. Give your essay time and space to relax, devote energies to expanding each individual argument, load them with sources that are cited and beyond the predictable and axiomatic ones: it's the inclusion of these specialized references that give you authority beyond the typical.
Overall, restructure your writing, cause each paragraph to be unified under a substantial idea that utilizes its own individual argument, and divide the force of your message through each of these arguments. While we have a general theme that permeates everything, it is, again, quite unstructured, wandering, and sounds more like a rant than anything. One has to search for what you are arguing against or arguing for, and it isn't as deliberate and clear as it could be.
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9ddcaf No.174
I like the rhythym and enjoyed your thoughts. Well done.
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9ddcaf No.179
>>157Thanks for your input. I will eventually try and expand each argument and solidify the essay.
>>174Thank you.
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4443cf No.2096
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eddc24 No.2111
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