PTSD + BPD, triggers and hate
I was a victim of child abuse for twelve years. I lived in fear every day. Domestic violence was a common occurrence, and I had to intervene repeatedly to prevent my stepfather from killing my mother. I've also had to intervene in her suicide attempts. My mother, who, when I came out to her about his abuse after I saw a safe opportunity–he had just kidnapped my sister and fled to another state–ultimately chose him over both of us and took him back after two weeks. I was sort of adopted by another family in my teen years, and spent as much time away from home as I could. I got bullied and threatened a lot as a kid, and teen. I've hurt a lot of people for no good reason at all. There's the cliche "confusing love with violence" that I have come to accept as cliche for a reason: the people I hurt were those close to me, and I learned this from my stepfather. I sexually assaulted my girlfriend when I had just turned fourteen. I've attacked a few friends violently without warning.
As soon as I got to college, my stepfather kidnapped my siblings an fled again, my mom got evicted, and again it was apparent that long before they were no longer physically around me, I had been abandoned. As an adult, I've been a drug dealer and been in a lot of sketchy situations, I've also been raped–this led to the realization of my monstrous actions years before. I've told no one about either. I stayed in a haze of drugs and booze for years. I felt like no one knew me, and if they really did, they would hate me, so I pushed them away.
I wanted to die for as long as I remember but I didn't want to kill myself.
I've been in and out of therapy for years, medicated and unmedicated. I finally got some stuff that works (that isn't pot), but it's no longer as effective. I am on the maximum safe dose of my SNRI. I just got done doing the PTSD + borderline cycle, in which I am made anxious by a trigger, retreat, am overwhelmed by anger and sadness, will do almost anything to make it stop, and finally it's over after about ten minutes.
When you grow up around domestic violence, and have been violent yourself, you have a lot of fucking triggers. Hearing a door close in my own house, hearing dishes rattle, hearing an idling diesel engine, someone touching my back, the smell of vodka, touching a woman, almost any childhood memory that I recall detours quickly into recalling a traumatic experience that overwhelms me.
I'm writing all this because if I don't get it out I can't get back to doing the productive shit I'm supposed to be doing. You can move on from stuff in the sense than you can be mostly functional, but these scars are permanent. I will never feel like a normal person. I will never live without constant shame, fear, and distrust over my head like a guillotine. My psychs have always focused on cognitive behavioral therapy, which amounts to "don't think about it."
Yeah, see how effective that is. I'm trying to find a counselor that will let my process my past, but I'm not holding my breath. Unless you've been through Hell, been a monster, how can you possibly know what it's like?
No one talks about the trauma that comes from being the bad guy and having a conscience. Not unless you're a soldier, and my country worships them so the support is more there. I find that interesting.
There was once a music thread in here. It's time for it's revival.
Share your personal theme songs!
(Mine if you're ever curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KF_6E7AfJ0)
First picks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pug7eKPcRb4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fa0tFkEREE
These song really puts the cherry on top of the cake that is the Metroid franchise on Gamecube/Wii. They gives not only a sense of trouble during the final boss fights, but also adds a feel of utmost urgency to the situation.
Coupled with incredible sound effects, these songs really adds the last ingredient into a video-game to make you slide at the of your seat while you dive into full immersion mode.
Bonus pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxiE5Pz-62s
From Freedom Fighters, once again the final battle theme which has a really great Metroid feel to it.
I know i posted vidya OSTs, but you can share kind of music you like!
Need Mental Health Advice
What is wrong with me??
I am fucked up mentally. Ever since my birth I've been the most fearful guy in the room .I flinch easily, even things others don't even think about scare me. I've got terrible anxiety,and cannot connect well with anyone, I have an inferiority complex and cannot see others succeed , internally I hate everyone and wish their failure .I am clumsy af and have no mind body coordination, slow as fuck.I cannot even bond with my family well ,I stay away from them but don't even feel like calling them I do so only dutifully just for the sake of it , but still I get intense negative thoughts of losing them especially at night . I am a nerd and kinda have a very very good long term memory , which in turn also makes me remember negative stuff from years ago. I am in college but get anxious in the classroom . I have had this low gaze since childhood, I am always thinking about something and how hard I try my eyelids are always low , cannot make eye contact with people , and feel awkward in every sentence I speak. I am afraid of women and haven't had any female friends or even had an in person conversation with them for effectively my entire life. I don't even have any preferences, I will do whatever others say to me , I have no say in things , no decisions to make . Everything is fine to me , don't even form political opinions, I've too much info on both sides , that I just state facts but have no opinion. I am an atheist and have no purpose in life . This may sound like a rant but I am rotting away…idk if anyone would even read this
Is going off endorphine comletely a good idea?
I have stopped masturbating and eating carbohydrates a few month ago, and now feel much better, and more importantly, less happy. I have formed a theory that endorphine is harmful, and makes us complicid, weak and under jеwish control. If i would be able to get of endorphine completely, i would achieve the godly state of perfect ascension. So i decided to make an experiment. I have a week of holidays. What if i, for that week, locked myself in the basement without any pleasant things. I would have - 3 cans of beef, a very big supply of water, some berries for vitamin C and salt for health rejuvination. I would also have a piece of birch that i wanted to carve into a mug, and the instruments to carve it. If i am correct, a week of work without stimulation will get rid of my endorphine addiction and thus set me free. I think i would no longer use internet if i was unaddicted. Would this idea work?
Picture unrelated.
Is It Ever Too Late?
will it ever be too late to get better? i at times feel like I've reached my end to things and that I've fallen off the deep end to the point i genuinely believe i wont get better. sometimes i do not want to get better. have i gone too far as a person? will i never get better? if i still can get better, when do i know its all over? is there a such thing as "over" when it comes to mental illness and bettering yourself as a person? Maybe its just my depression talking but at times, i sincerely hope i never get better but it feels nice just being okay. Though "okay" to me is just my depressive symptoms
Fucking voices in my head won’t shut up I know they’re not real, they’re versions of myself but goddamnit why are they so loud if they’re only in my head why do they feel like they’re right behind me. they keep telling me to hang myself i don’t wanna fucking do it i don’t wanna die but i just want the voices to go away. why won’t people understand the torture i go thru every day just for them to say im fuckin pathetic dont they realize theyre feeding the very voices i try so hard to stomp down just to appear normal to them.. i know its all inside my head why are my thoughts so vivid
Schizoid Personality Disorder
Are there any other anons out there with SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder)? I have yet to come across another person that at least thinks they have it, let alone is sure of having it.
Generally speaking, it is a fairly rare disorder, and I'm starting to think it's a meme altogether, but my therapist said it's what he would describe me as, apparently, so I stick with that diagnosis.
It would be great to have some insights on this, anons, any help is appreciated!
Can we beat 5150?
What happens to an individual who does not think they're mentally ill, and uses logic and makes binary choice decisions (0,1) to guide themselves throughout life? I've had covid which brought, severe migraines, and fever. My headaches continued after for months. I am a Coder for a small firm. Woke up one morning and had a epiphany. I don't want to share what that was but my behavior changed immediately. I continued working and my coworkers did not notice that my work improved. (Continued thread)
Does anybody else get a sort of sorrowful longing for the days of yesterday? Like a part of you is missing and isn't really there. It's like nostalgia, but it's ethereal and very somber. It feels really good, but makes you wish you could embrace that feeling, because it's just radiating on you, but you aren't hugging it.
It's hard to explain, but it basically boils down to a melancholy heavenly sorrow.
Empathy
How do you 'feel' empathy?
People make it sound like I'm supposed to have some kind of a sensation in my body when being empathetic. But I don't share any connection with other people on a level that would allow me to feel what they're experiencing. Am I reading too much into it?
Musical Healing
I'm going to talk about the healing properties of music, and how it has improved my life and prevented me from hurting others.
Recently, I've broken my hi-fi headphones, so calming myself down has been harder than before. I always get these triggers when I feel lesser compared to a person I want to be with, start painful rumination, inferiority sets in and it makes me unstable, angry and abysmally sorrowful.
It's made me cop out of a lot of opportunities in my life, but thankfully, I go and see a psychiatrist tomorrow and hopefully I can take those first steps to improving my life. Right now I'm hurting a lot, but I know it's not forever, and as long as I have my music with me, then I can deal with these episodes.
It's impacted me since I was as young as I can remember, but only recently found out it was part of my ADHD.
I usually listen a lot of music to calm me down, and I'm saving up to get 2k IEM's, since I want an excellent escapism I can stim to. I want to forget why I'm hurting and remember that I need to improve. I lost a lot of motivation without my music, it's truly become essential to me.
Doomer Cancer
Why the fuck is the cancerous d.oomer board getting more traction than this one? Why would people completely go against the idea of being label less and contribute to something that became big because it was popular, that's such a giant fucking cognitive dissonance!! It goes against the very thing they were trying to be, and goes to show how hard normalfag scum have infested this fucking website.
I guess it DOES make sense. Normalfags think they're unique and end up adopting a label that ironically ruins the very thing they thought they were, I call it "Not like the other girls" syndrome.
what do you think?
https://eocinstitute.org/meditation/how-meditation-reduces-your-ocd/
2020 thread - /mental/ is back - catch up thread.
WELCOME NEW YEARS NIGGERS!!
As you saw and experienced, this board has been gone for nearly half a year along with the site, so letting it all out during the holidays last year must have been difficult in other places, hopefully the site doesn't die again.
So many stories to tell, or feelings to express, usually I wouldn't make a thread for this but since we've had such a big time gap and the feeling of being in a new decade is so intimidating for people, including those who've spent the end of an era in solitude, I say this thread is needed. Feel free to put your thoughts here and say what needs to be said, and what you're both looking forward or not looking forward to, just get it off your chest. If you're feeling suicidal, this is the perfect place to vent,
I'm looking for some help in making a new sticky with a bunch of mental health resources, government benefits, psychiatric links, wellness guides, dietary microbiome data, help lines and self mediation excercises well, I'll make another thread after this one, but feel free to pitch in. Your wellness, or at the least, the bare minimum mental stability is the priority for this whole board. You deserve better.
CLICK HERE NIGGERS
Sometimes i just break down on the floor and have trouble breathing and feel like im breaking my own bones and scream.
sometimes i think about doing shit like burning my house or throwing myself under the bus.
i have no fucking idea what this is and my (((therapist))) said it was just work stress but gave no fucking solution at all.
what do niggers i need help really fast
discorb server for mentally ill outcasts.
Do you have bpd and want to relate to others or depression etc
feel free to vent to me
https://chaturbate.com/BfV3mrB
>NO NUDES OR SELFIES AT ALL
come chatsu desu
Late stage spectrum diagnosis (probably)
Holy fuck, I just had the sudden realization the other day that I'm almost positive I'm on the spectrum. I've had severe depression and mild anxiety for as long as I can remember as well as PTSD from around 10 years old and onward due to some childhood trauma that was getting much better toward the end of this past summer but I still felt "off" regardless, like there was something else in the background that had been overlooked. I've always felt different from people in general my whole life, like I was an outsider looking in and that no matter how hard I tried or how badly I just wanted to be normal like everyone else, I simply never could and I would almost always feel weird even when I wasn't in social situations. I used to attribute this to my self-esteem which has never been very good because of a lot of things that happened in my life growing up, but it's greatly improved lately and I'm much more outgoing than I really ever have been yet that feeling still persists which, when I really think about it, feels less to me like I look down upon myself and more so that I think and behave differently than anyone else I know to the point where it's almost yin and yang. And then, just the other night when I was tripping on acid (which has given me a lot of helpful introspection and has actually helped me make some important changes in my life such as meditating, quitting masturbation every night, etc.) and I was coming down from a pretty intense peak, I somehow started thinking about my behavior and thought patterns and looked up symptoms of Asperger's syndrome and was completely shocked at how many metaphorical boxes I checked on the list. Obviously, it's different for everyone but holy shit, there were just too many things on that list that pretty much defined me to seem like mere coincidences. At first it was almost scary but after a while, I gradually began to feel like this is the answer for why I am the way that I am instead of just not having a great self-esteem or being somewhat eccentric. I'm not a psychologist/psychiatrist so I can't just diagnose myself but I'm almost 100% sure I have at the very least a high-functioning form of Asperger's, SPD or something else like those two. I'm leaning more toward Asperger's because even though I do have some traits of SPD, I used to have many more growing up which have since faded away or are so mild they're hardly even worth mentioning. I had my therapist recommend me to a psychiatrist he works with a couple days ago and I was able to schedule an appointment for neuro-psychiatric testing in mid-March to determine whether I actually have something so that makes me feel better.
When I approached my mom and brother about this for their thoughts on it, they were both in agreement. My mom told me she thought I was on the spectrum even back when I was as young as only a few years old (banging my head off the couch repeatedly when I'd get angry, enjoying locking/unlocking padlocks and flipping light switches instead of playing with plastic toys, having a ridiculously verbose vocabulary for how young I was, always difficult for me to make friends growing up, etc.) and said the only reason I was never tested for it was because the doctor at my school said she didn't think I needed it when my mom asked her (female doctor, of course). My brother told me he felt similarly but didn't really elaborate on why exactly. I haven't spoken to my grandfather about this yet but he noted that I had a pretty bad temper growing up, which I never took out on anyone else but would instead be more toward myself where I would almost growl and hit my hands off of things when I'd get angry.
Has anyone here been diagnosed with some form of autism late in the game, and if so, how old were you when you actually got the diagnosis?
Regenerative Medicine Genneral
This Thread is dedicated to the Dissemination and discussion of information pertaining to the basic mechanics and treatments of Regenerative Medicine, Primarily as it relates to neuro-pshychological health. Whatever your symptoms may be it is important to understand that the body and mind are linked together and often in order to effectively treat ones symptoms they must both be cleansed. Throughout this thread I will recommend various products, most of which I have tested myself. I do not profit from my endorsement of these products in any tangible way and I do so for the purpose of waging socioeconomic warfare against the pharmaceutical industry. All products I present are chosen based on their purity and cost effectiveness. If you decide to purchase different products from the ones suggested here then I advise you not to purchase them from amazon or whole foods because Jeff Bezos and his corporation are engaged in monopolistic practices.
Mixed
Hey, are any of you guys halfies? Do you think that contributes to any mental health problems you have?
I'm half Jew, half Indigenous. I know that a lot of Ashkepatsy's have mental health problems, namely schizophrenia, and my brother does have it, and I'm a Schizotypal myself, unsure about the injun bit though.
Social Security Income
Anyone here a NEET, or at least NE (since you're still entitled to education and training)?
I'm thinking about it, my life and emotional/mental stability fluctuates hard and I find it increasingly difficult to be proactive and contribute to society, I've done my fair share of working. I just can't do it very well. I have STPD, ADHD and some PTSD.
I was never made for the child rapist world. I wish I was, but I'm always scatterbrained, weird and impulsive.
Eating Disorder
I started with an eating disorder when I was about 13. I would restrict myself, binge then purge. This stopped when people started finding out but I relapsed again almost 14 years later and now I'm eating only 200 calories a day and running twice a day. As each day passes I feel lighter and dizzier. I almost passed out in Front of people a few days ago and I'm being sick involuntarily now. Now I ate too much today so I'm going to fast for 2 days.
I don't want fixing because I NEED to lose weight I just wanted to share because I'm so fucking lonely I don't know how to cope with the pressure of it alone
Phobias
Not sure if it belongs on this board, but I'm really getting tired of a phobia that I have. Since it has a name I don't think it's too uncommon, but it's embarrassing and not really relatable to people who don't have it. What makes zero sense to me is that it seems to have gotten worse as I grew up. When I'm around other people I can somewhat manage it, maybe because I'm more scared of people than I am the phobia, but that just means I have a bigger problem.
Has anyone had any success overcoming a phobia when they were an adult or a teenager? Has anyone had any success overcoming one without seeing a psychologist or being medicated for anxiety?
I've been trying to convince myself to view pictures as some form of exposure therapy but I can't convince myself to do it.
Might double post. Sorry
Anyone who feels that needs to talk to someone i RECOMMEND this
This App https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=feel.lonely
Hey guys, new here, recently got diagnosed with Bipolar 1 after I had a manic episode that was fucking intense.
It included the following
>thinking ww3 was happening
>coming to the conclusion that I was the ressurection of jesus christ
>believing I was invincible, incoming traffic ect could not hurt me
>thinking I was a part of a italian mafia family, and anyone who fucked with me would get shot afterwards
>thinking people around me were conspiring to kill me
>thinking my own family members were trying to seduce me
>thinking federal agents were trying to send me to prison
ect.
Like holy shit I was perfectly normal up until this point, and I haven't had any real episodes manic or depressive after, could be the meds they have me on now but hot damn
Anyway, just saying hi
Personality Test
What's your personality type, /mental/?
These tests are pretty much worthless, basically astrology tier, but it's still fun to spectate and speculate on your unique charm.
http://www.keys2cognition.com/explore.htm
26 y.o midlife crysis
There is no point of return if you reached these depths or?
Im planning to leave my job (its meaningless anyway - 8h programing), im totally depressed and suicidal since a few months, i did a lot of drugs to escape reality for some hours just to get sucked in my own personal hell when i was sober
i know i am the one to blame because i decided to do so
i got diagnosed with adhd in the past as child, medicated with ampehtamines for years which lead to hyper sexuality and fucked up experiences
i would say my soul got fucked too hard i want a total reset
leaving the country, living on the minimalistic things because the actual lifestyle didnt manged to make me happy i could afford most things i wanted to buy but still felt always unhappy in the long term.
often heavy moodswings - at one day ill have a positive mindset the next day i think about death again and how i want to end anything
am i just bored from the normal normie life? i always engaged in "dangerous" activitys and liked to hang out with criminals because they were more interesting people and felt more honest not so fake like most of society
idk what to do. i dont want to go to the psych ward because becoming labeled with a disorder would maybe take away my freedom to walk free in this world or getting locked
Dysphoria - In General
Not talking about the tranny shit, but just in general. Do you ever get a sudden pang of desperation and frustration and struggle with your identity. As if you want to contribute and BE somebody, but you can't, because you're everywhere.
You'd like to feel self love, but you don't, so you end up using narcissism to give yourself a saccharine fulfillment. It might have been due to growing up with a neurotic single mother, that might have ended emasculating me and made me weak, and I don't know how to take that away from me. I always feel like I'm missing something, and it EATS me from the inside. There are people that care about me, that I push away due to it, because they don't make me feel that "needy" desperate feeling of clingyness I felt throughout my teenage years
Trichotillomania
Who /trichster/ here?
>Trichotillomania (pronounced: trik-oh-till-oh-MAY-nee-uh) is a condition that gives some people strong urges to pull out their own hair. It can affect people of any age. People with trichotillomania pull hair out at the root from places like the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or pubic area.
Nowhere near as bad as the guy in the pic but scared i'll get there eventually
Had a fidget spinner (gay I know) that actually worked but it broke
How do you deal with it?
Incredibly specific waifufag angst
I've felt an all consuming attachment to a video game character since I was around 12, I see surreal outlines of her blended together from the thousands of images I've seen of her over the years when i close my eyes sometimes and in hypnagogic states. When I think I see her somewhere she doesn't belong I feel anxiety that persists after I realize it's not her. I have semi-recently begun to seek out the worst most degrading depictions of her I can, I've spent 10+ hours at a time on booru sites looking at her combined with all the worst most filthy paraphillias I can imagine in tandem. There is a twitter bot that posts images of her and I feel a sort of voyeuristic manic thrill/abject despondence looking at the people who follow and and like its tweets and how disgusting they are, the idea of her being sexual in any way brings me emotional distress and sadness, It's a strange form of emotional self harm.
Is it possible any of this is a result of brain damage? When I initially became innocently infatuated with her I developed a response of punching myself in the head repeatedly for periods lasting up to 15 minutes when I imagined or saw her being defiled in some way, As it's gone on I have increasing facial twitching
and periods of mental absence with nausea, along with almost no short or long term memory now (I sometimes slip into quasi-psychosis and do all of the above with increased furvor without sleeping or eating that last for three or so days).
I want to be a serial killer.
My whole life I've wanted to be a serial killer. I want to kidnap, rape, torture and kill small girls, cut them up and eat their flesh. I've tortured animals, made plans, I have weapons and tarps, this obsession keeps growing and growing. It surges through me and burns like fire in my viens. Serial murder is BEAUTIFUL and i want to paint my very own bloody picture.
Then they caught the golden state killer because his distant relatives took a DNA test. I felt sick for a week. I still feel sick thinking about it. If they caught him there is no way I could get away with it. I feel like the shadow in which I live is suddenly visible to the world. I scream and rage inside my head because it's just not fair. I don't want to spend my whole life in fear just waiting for the cops. And there is so much in the world besides murder and I can't STAND the idea of being locked up. This is no longer the daydream it once was it is an obsession. It progresses further and further as time goes on.
So fuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK. I want to lash out and destroy as I feel everything closing in.
I want to see the people cower in fear, see me as the monster I am, want to go down in the history books. I want people to see my art and recoil.
But part of me doesn't want this. I want to crawl into the light, head held down, asking for help, to declaw me and let me live with them, as one of them. There is so much in the world I cannot stand to be taken from it.
Are there any support groups or resources to deal with this sort of thing? I can't do anything without anonymity, I'll be locked up.
What kind of medication should I ask for?
Hi /mental/,
First time posting here. I have anxiety and depression. It doesn't get in the way of work (IT network technician), but I have a hard time with relationships out side of work. I'm 25, still live with my parents, I'm lucky to have a GF (even though she's fat I love her and she genuinely loves me) and I paid off my college debt a year ago because my job pays pretty good. Usually when I'm having anxiety issues I want to leave my GF for ever. The last "episode" I had resulted in us taking a week and a half break before Thanksgiving and that helped up until now. I started seeing a councilor a few weeks before that who was a quack (talking about meridian lines and pseudoscience shit like that) so I switched to a new councilor who's better than the first. However that's not enough so through my work's employee assistance program I'm seeking a psychiatrist. My cousin whose like a brother to me sought out a psychiatrist a few months ago and he's doing much better with his anxiety (runs in the family) but he's taking 4 medications. I only want 1. Also I have a bit of a drinking problem, it usually means that I have $40-60 less in my wallet every week but sometimes it sets off my anxiety a lot and sometimes there no effect at all on it. I've been trying to drink less (like one or two drinks on a Friday and Saturday evening) and usually that's the case in the past few weeks, but last night I drank a whole bottle of wine and had a few shots, then texted my GF that she doesn't need all of my bullshit and she's better off without me. She was calm about it and knew I was depressed at the time, but not drunk. Is it possible to only drink once or twice a week and still keep anxiety under control?
tl;dr what should I ask a psychiatrist for anxiety and depression that I don't have to take every day, only as needed?
Hobbies & Distractions
What do you do to pass the time? I just listen to music and meditate. I try to draw, but get discouraged because I suck, even though I know I've improved a little bit and can improve more, I just have this shitty executive dysfunction that keeps me down, so I mainly just imagine a lot of things in my head.
What brings you here?
Let's get to know each other.
I was diagnosed with severe depression and put into weekly therapy when I was 8 after I started expressing suicidal thoughts. This wasn't prompted by any negative events in my life, and my parents say my behavior didn't ever suddenly start getting worse (aside from telling them I wanted to die instead of just thinking it), which makes me think I was either born depressed or developed depression so early that I might as well have been. I wouldn't be surprised if I was autistic and/or schizoid, too, but I've never been evaluated for those things. Either way, I was NEET for three years after graduating high school, and even though I'm slowly getting my life together now, if someone told me I was going to die tomorrow, I'd think "fuck, what a relief". I don't think I'll ever stop feeling that way.
What about you?
ADHD but I feel there's something else
About a year ago I went to a psychiatrist because of horrible academic performance (almost got kicked out of college because of too many failed courses). Got diagnosed with ADHD and got meds for it. It's been a year after and even if I doing better at school, there's things that I still struggle with.
In my 4 years of college I haven't been able to make a single friend. I almost can't look at someone in the eyes with talking with them. This happens even with family and close relatives. I avoid any social interaction because of how awkward and uncomfortable I feel. The ones who know me have always said I'm very intelligent, even though I've never really felt like it.
wtf is wrong with me? Is it just social anxiety or something else? Sometimes I think I may have aspergers but I really don't know.
Cynicism
I usually take Kratom to numb it, but when I don't, it usually feels a deep repulsive rancorous anger towards people who are obnoxious. It's like a burning fucking magma and I just want to kill people I deem a cancer to society, I.E cuckchanners who invade this site and the people who enable them to stay. Even the people who think they're individuals, like those /tumor/ cuckchan faggots, are ironically following a trend and the fact that they can't see that grates me.
I feel like I no longer have a place of belonging and it's getting harder and harder to function each day. It's such a desolate feeling.
I don't know if this is only a Schizotypal trait, but it's getting unbearable.
Guilty Conscience thread
What keeps you guys awake at night filled with a pit in your stomach and regrets in your brain, anons? Do you generally make regretful mistakes often in your day to day or did you majorly fuck up in a few split second decisions that made you this way?
i've got no will
since i was a child i never finished a draw or something like that due to a lack of will
But now it's worst, im confused i want to do nothing but im doing studies to become a doctor or pharmacist, not because i like that ( i like nothing ) because i said that i want money but in fact even when i think about the money i can get with these professions i still dont care about it, i do not care about money, my futur or everything else, i want nothing, i like nothing no jobs come to my mind, i want truely nothing, im bad at school, im curently in a medicale school and if i do not just skip class i just do nothing in there, i come from a low social class and i live in a ghetto, im french, nothing here give me hope, i don't even have a family, i live with my mom and i have just 1 friend ( a woman ) but she rarely respond to me. I feeling alone, im not depressed i can laugh or whatever else, i just feel alone, and disturbed in my soul
It's like i tried everything possible on this planet, even good food attract me less day by day, i want nothing, i tried every kind of porn, i traveled to different places and i know pretty everything of this world from the evolutions of languages, to the evolution of life, astronomy physics and chimy, politics, human history, aeronautics, nuclear power, even small facts that no one cares, i still know them, i can draw a map of the earth with all of its biomes without a model, i know everything, every climates of every places, every mountain zones, i know every deserts, i know fucking every places of this world since i am 2 hours everyday on google maps just to pass time, boys and girls, what am i going to learn, to do next ? I am learning languages because i have nothing to do, i know lots of alphabets, lots of words of every languages my hobby is to compare every language i can, i know every pokemon openings in : Russian, Arabic, French, German, Dutch, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, Finland, Spanish… same for other animes, it's boring now, there is no languages that makes me feel good, the last language that make me feel good was Dutch because of it's harsh sonority ( i love harsh sonority that's why i like arabic german and dutch )
What am i going to do ?
Wat ga ik doen ?
Was soll ich tun ?
Death anxiety, suicide and self destructive thinking thread. I didn't see it in the catalog; so I figured I'd make a thread for once.
Does anyone else experience a bizarre dichotomy between death anxiety and suicidal ideation? I find myself torn between these two extremes of thought; perhaps having to do with my own manic-depressive /mental/ state. One night I'll be wide awake in bed, imagining the best and quickest ways to kill myself. Going over which ones would be the most efficient, leave the least mess and so forth… Conversely, other days I will be straight up terrified by the prospect of some accident or disease causing premature death. I'll worry I'm never going to get a real life, and I'll be dead before I even have the chance to grow old. I'm honestly not sure which gives me more anxiety; termination of my existence prematurely, and outside of my control, before having the chance to make change and get a life… or living on, hopeless, helpless, and just continuing to watch the years melt away as other people get jobs, families, and really LIVE.
Has anyone else had similar thoughts to this, similar experience? Semi-related, also used to self harm very badly. Required stitches on more than one occasion; nearly died from one laceration with narrowly missed an artery; required two rows of nine stitches and I lost over a pint of blood.
/mental/ need some advice on meds pls
So about 6 months ago I started my journey into the world of antidepressants. First i was on sertraline, was on 75 mg for about 4 months when I decided it wasn't doing much of anything. I am currently taking 150 mg buproprion xl, 10 mg trintellix, and klonopin for anxiety.
I was on mirtazapine 15 mg for help with insomnia and severe loss of appetite. It worked really well for about a month but when I started trintellix, the mirtazapine started feeling extremely sedating, and i would not be able to wake up to an alarm, fall asleep in the middle of the day etc.
My doctor advised me to stop taking it about a week ago to see if these symptoms would improve, but I'm still so tired throughout the day without the mirtazapine and along with that my appetite is starting to dwindle again.
I feel like my current combo has lifted my mood slightly, but its so hard to function when I am having such a hard time sleeping/eating.
So what do u guys think?? does anyone have experience with mirtazapine?
I've heard that upping my dose could lessen the effects, thus making it less sedating but im still relatively new to antidepressants and was very hesitant to start taking them in the first place.
Idk where to go from here and I want to have hope that these medications can help me but its so frustrating finding a combo that works.
any and all advice is greatly appreciated
I drive too fast so I die
I've been going through a few years of being bounced around between different doctors, They've now told me that they no longer know what to do and they've run out of medication.
I go out and drive so fast that sometimes I lose control and my thought process is the faster I go the less likely I will survive and I can slip out of this life without directly hurting anybody
Is there.. a alternative to the rope?
Been working on some random shit in my Notepad lately, and this line I wrote makes me question something:
"She and my appliances is the only reason i'm still here.
In other words, I just can anytime take a rope and somewhere far off there to put a final end to my story. "
This is translated:
Zij en m'n apparaten zijn eigenlijk de enige reden waarom ik nog leef.
Met andere woorden, ik kan gewoon ieder moment een touw pakken en ergens vergelegen er een laatste punt achter mijn verhaal te zetten."
Question is: is there an alternative to suicide? I just.. don't feel happy with my life at all, even though I got everything I want, except for one thing: a fucking life.
Pic of Mew semi-related, writing fanfics with Mew in it is about the only thing that keeps me from becoming insane lately. Oh, and with "she" I didn't ment Mew, I ment a gf that I have in that one story I wrote.
Antipsychotics and adhd =/
So, decided to see a shrink after realising I had all the symptoms of adhd which I figured is causing el depresso and anxiety. I see this guy who's either pingin on some kinda substance or has bigger problems than I do. Guy seems so distant like I wasn't even in the room. Tell him my deal for a good half hour. He says you probs had adhd as a kid and probs still do but maybe not. Then this fella latches onto how I have a restless mind and over-think everything, which I know causes me the poor concentration, lack of sleep and really doesn't help with depression and anxiety, which I mentioned to him, but he starts leading towards psychosis in a sneeky kinda way. He gives me scripts for antidepressants and antipsychotics and says, 'now, I dont want you to think you have psychosis' . WTF!? Being the indecisive restless-minded wank head that I am, im just stuck rn. I've taken the antidepressants, sure, but I'm having real trouble even thinking about taking the zyprexa, thinking, if the troubles I'm having are because of adhd, how much worse will I be with even less dopamine. Don't get me wrong, I'm not after just a dopamine boost from stimulants, I was scared as all heck thinking he might prescribe stimulants, stressing whether I'd become a junky or not. But to give me a pill that will probably have a negative effect to the adhd that he said himself, I could still have, what's this guy thinking!? If I take the zyprexa, what's the worst that could happen? Just freaking out a little rn #.# apologies guys
i was the faggot that shilled my dead board here but i come to realize this place is perfect for me since i suffer from ocd, autism , anxiety, intellectual disability etc my ocd is bad i can only step in certain ways or i feel like something bad is gonna happen to me it hit me in a young age i seen a therapist somehow they couldn't help but gave meds that didn't work so i stopped taking meds in general they put me in a psych hospital 3 times for different situations it was called southwood i was put into one room with 12 people and one tv and 2 showers it was hell in there i got beaten there and got shots that we're long and put me to sleep for 12 hours the staffs we're faggots luckily i got out then i was put back again i threaten my mom to kill her i couldn't control myself then the police came and handcuffed me they and put me back for a month those months we're miserable i slept all day there was one tv but some fatass sits in front of it everytime i was treated like shit in school work and home i threaten my school aswell.. i got put into a different school where people with disabilities go.. now i have no friends not even online HAAAHHAHAAHAHAJAAAAHAHAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA i shut myself in society i run a dead chan now no one gave a shit HAHA
Sup /mental/
I'm able to identify my internal and external voices(other peoples) from each other but sometimes they start to align. Stuff like telling me I'm things that im not. Im not normally motivated so when i get inspired to explore those things there's a confirmation bias type loop that triggers so I'll start thinking heavy shit and the loop builds more until they finally shut up. I'm really not convinced it's healthy but they tend to chicken out before I get the chance to lose my shit so it tends to work in my favor.
I've been called manic/borderline/bipolar/schizo by ppl but i can't trust that cause they aren't psychologists.
Pretty sure I'm just emotionally unstable and prone to grasping at social straws recently so here I am
What should I do about that? Looking for advice from anyone else that might go through something similar
Positive Habits
How do you make a habit? I've been getting lazier and more fucking depressed lately, it's like I'm numb without any oil or drive to push me. I don't need a reason, I only need discipline and a vision at the end, how do I "break" it in, so to speak, I'm tired of being tired and hollow all the time. I'm already going on nofap and ketosis again, but I still have that "fatigue"
Do drugs help?
Dreams and Meanings
Let's talk about dreams, and what they may mean to you. I've been having more dreams recently, a lot of them are stemmed from sorrow and lack of belonging, I dream about old friends, people who want to hurt me, and a general uneasiness about the passing of time. I usually don't remember much overnight, but certain dreams stick with me for years on end, I'm going to buy a dream journal so I can write down as much as I can remember.
You should know that dreams reflect the current state of your life, and some of your deepest, most intimate desires and priorities in yourself. They tell you more about yourself than even a psychologist can describe at times, it is one of the few things that can alter your reality.
I've been meaning to talk about this, but I'm not really sure where to begin. Does anyone else feel like memebase.cheezburger.com has really gone down hill over the years? I mean, let's be real; we all started somewhere. Whether it be sitting with your friends during class reading the most funny rage comics on the demotivational page (I loved those!) or racing home to laugh with the internet at le random antics of strangers that have been posted online, we all enjoyed the youthful years of guffawing until we cried at "I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?????". I'm so sick of memebase now. It's been fucking overrun by idiots who don't understand classic meme culture. They probably were the ones who made fun of us when we would talk about the funny meme jokes we saw on our computers in class to my friends. I mean really.. attached is a picture that I don't find funny AT ALL! I mean even in the first picture he's… what? Drooling? Is it sweat? Is he crying? I know I am (crying).. but not because of my German test. Because this meme SUCKS! I wish we could all band together to post really good memes like we did way back in 2010 when I was 9! Those were the days! I miss back when we were all bros and could laugh at my gusta memes. I just.. c'mon guys. We need to reclaim memebase! Anonymous can strike again! Does anyone else feel this way?! I can't be the only one. I feel like my youth has already slipped past my fingers and soon we'll just be living in an age of unappreciative "normie" memes. Now a days, ANY one can say they're a "Meme Master" but NONE of them actually knows the blood sweat and tears that I–no, that WE put into making this memetic movement what it is.
Nietczhe was right, nothing is forever and there's no point to most things… I just feel so depressed thinking back to being so happy to laugh at some cute cats that just wanted they're fast food. I know you guys will understand me and how we all feel. If you want to regain the memevolution with me just post good memes with me on memebase–I'll be watching and waiting, my anonymous family.
-Signed, a guy who just wants his emmes back.
WTF IS GOING ON
Hey guys.
I have a problem and i dont know what it is and how to deal with it.
It all started about 2 months ago, i was going about my life as usual, my life was kinda shit but nothing i couldnt deal with, then suddenly one day, i just go ape shit , get a random ass psychosis and nearly kill myself.
I dont know what the fuck happened, but since then, i live in constant fear.
I was fine before, what the fuck is happening to me?
QUESTION
AM I MENTAL?
at work, at home, and with 'friends', im known as the crazy guy
<doesnt bother, i get a kick out of it but i;
>have ptsd from Iraq and Afghanistan
>pick scabs to the point of scars
>clinch my teeth during the day, grind at night
>pray for death by meteor striking the earth, but im not suicidal
>have feverish lucid dreams that bleed into my day and affect my mood
i currently take effexor, helps control my unprovoked rage
im not looking for help, just want to post vids and images honestly
imageboards, i believe, are a view into a persons mind
post stuff that makes you happy
trying not to be an asshole
i recently got diagnosed with dysthmia/depression and ocd, and am currently taking 50mg of sertraline
have suspected myself of being /mental/ for as long as i can remember and im not expecting to live for very long
i can personally say i've noticed possible pre psychositic symptoms and have the genetic fuckups and background to possibly end up schizo but saying i am would be extremely stupid. ive been telling myself im tired of being rude, dickish, cynical, angry, and bitter all the time but im too apathetic to actually do shit about it. hell, my apathy has been straining the single remaining close friend i have and im certain im close to fucking it up, but its not like im new to isolation. im trying to at least be a better person but hell, sometimes it feels like im just innately an asshole
inb4 aspie: got tested and ruled out autismo.
Triggers.
How do you get when you get a trigger? Not talking about specifically PTSD either, but autism, BDP, etc.
I have ADHD, so when I get RSD, I get sharp electricity in the left side of my brain, my heart racing and my vision gets blurry, I tense up and it gets hard to breathe and I start to get shaky and it's followed by me wanting to cry while feeling boiling hot anger inside me, it's actually similar to my fear triggers but without the panic and desperation. I internalize everything, so I don't actually sperg the fuck out in public or anything, I'm going on SSI when I get my naturalists certification though.
The start of my depression, part 1
My depression started mid August but the whole of it starts before my depression started. Since near to the end of year 8 I had a crush on this one girl in my year, we share the same exact birthdate. Fast forward to the last week of year 9 and the girl came up to me Infront of her friends and said "Hey (my name), we're going to be in the same class together". I was surprised because no other girl in my year came up to talk to me (especially Infront of her friends), I said "Hi" and we talked for a bit. Fast forward again to Year 10 and I was so nervous to go to my I.T because she was going to be there but that's all I cared about at the time, when all of my class for down and sit in the seats that we wanted to sit in, it turned out that the girl and her best friend were sitting behind my friend and I. For about 20 minutes of the lesson my friend and I talked to them. Throughout the school year I talked to her in I.T and it made me feel like everything was ok, she was the love of my life and I didn't want to lose her. At the end of Year 10 I saw her walking out of school and on the way out I stopped to talked to her and she seemed really nice so we exchanged eachother's Instagram names. Throughout the Summer her and I messaged a lot. On the 18th of August her and I were messaging, I was messaging some online friends at the time and they were cheering me on saying stuff like "Go on, ask her out". A few days before that I had told her a funny story about one of my friends and she asked me to tell my story first (she never to this day has told me a funny story about one of her friends). So I asked her if there was anyone that she loved and who it was. I saw the person's name and my heart sank, I felt like crying but it was my sister's 18th birthday party and all of my family members were there. I just sat and read that message over and over for multiple minutes. She asked me "Hello?, Are you there?", So I told her "Yes" and then I told her that I loved her..
I don't know if this is the board for this, but I need to get some things off my chest. Just delete this if it shouldn't be here.
I need help, I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I know that I sometimes think of killing myself. I have no one to talk to, all my friends have their own issues and problems, and they all ask me for help. I know I should go to the doctors, but I can never bring myself to go out of laziness, or I make up an excuse, or I forget, or i just don't do it. I'm honestly scared, and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm running out of options.
Tripfag Mentality
Let's talk about tripfags. Not specific tripfags, because that's what they want. Let's talk about why people use tripcodes outside of their own threads. How do their minds work? What makes one desire a name on an anonymous image board? Autism? The anger it creates? Attention? All of those?
The 2nd part of my depression, part 2.(SO FAR)
THE SECOND PART OF MY DEPRESSION (SO FAR)After my sister's party I went home and I cried for about 20 minutes listening to Lil Peep thinking about the girl that I told I loved her and that she doesn't love me. My heart ached for 2 weeks straight and I cried myself to sleep for 3 weeks straight, I started to think about the rope and that there was nothing else to live for because she was the only person that I really cared for. At the start of year 11 I tried to hide my emotions from her and tried to show her that I wasn't depressed. Since December 2018 I've started to try and not think about her and that I keep telling myself "Oh, here we go again" everytime that I think about her but it just isn't enough and I feel a growing hatred towards her even to this day. In January, 2 people in my year spread a rumour saying that I wanted to become a school shooter because I want to work for the Law Enforcement, which doesn't make any sense in my eyes because I've never committed a crime before and I'd never become a school shooter. The girl that I opened up to messaged me on Instagram first (starting a conversation), in the past she had only messaged me once but that was because she needed something and wanted something from me. I thought that it was strange but I went on with it and she ONLY messaged me to indirectly call me a school shooter, she messaged me "have you heard about the school shooting rumours?", she literally went from "Hey" to that. My heart sank and out of all the people to believe the rumour I thought that it wouldn't be her but I guess that I was wrong. I said "Yes, I've heard about he rumours and I don't want to become a school shooter". She said "Oh, that's good to hear", I said "I just thought that maybe you would've wanted a nice conversation for a change". She sent messaged but I ignored them because I was so upset with what she had asked me. I kept deleting and reinstalling Instagram because I wasn't sure what to do over the next few weeks but a few days later the 2 Police officers came to my house and asked me "Do you have a gun, Do you want to kill people and do you want to kill yourself?" I said that I don't have a gun, I don't want to kill people but I do want to kill myself. About 3 weeks later I unblocked the girl on Instagram and found out that she was dating a guy and I cried myself to sleep again. I just really don't know what to do with myself. So I tried harder to forget about her but in one of my science lessons I told one of my friends everything and we talked about it for about half to the lesson. About 2 weeks ago the girl tried to talk to me in class but I ignored her and when I was walking out of class she tried to talk to me again but I ignored her again. A week after that (1 week ago) I told my friend that I was trying to ignore her and he said that he had noticed it and if she had ever tried to talk to me then he'd say "He doesn't want to talk right now". Yesterday I had a supply teacher in Internet Technology and as per usual no-one I think did the work that they were supposed to do, so I decided to plan what I want to to do if I don't end up killing myself, but on my computer I put "What I plan to do in future if I don't end up …". I put my headphones on full volume and the girl noticed what I was writing about on the computer but I think that she tried to talk to me because my friend turned around and said something. A few minutes later the girl came up to me and tapped my should and asked me "What do the dots mean?", I told her "don't worry" and then she stood there for a few more seconds. I've been taking antidepressants for a few months now and I don't know what to do with myself anymore so please help me.
Nightmares: I Can (Not) Sleep
Hey, /mental/. I'm kind of scared shitless. For the past week, I haven't been the same. I'm a a happy guy, but now I've been reduced to a numb brain and a funny feeling in my legs. Please read through the whole thing. I want to be happy again.
Just to be clear, I have been afraid of irrational things before, like the 2012 Apocalypse, Global Warming, Slender Man, Herobrine (don't laugh), creepypastas, the Sun dying in a gorillion years, etc., but I haven't experienced anything like this.
Thing is, last Thursday I went shopping with my mom. I was already stressed out with something or other, it just didn't bother me. But then, I just lost my shit, told her she started it and that she was being ridiculous. She didn't want to go on with it, but I kept pushing her, even after we went home.
After letting go of the whole debacle, I saw a specific scene from Food of the Gods II, which scared me more than it should have. I tried to take my mind off it, watching movies and the like, but it just wouldn't go away. So, I tried and get some sleep and hope it would go away. Next thing I knew, I had a nightmare. Woke up sweating bullets and wouldn't go back to sleep. I woke up my mom, told her I didn't want to be like this, that I wanted to go to bed, etc. Two more nightmares ensued the day after. Then, my brain decided to filter out my emotions and all I can feel are my legs when I get nervous, anxious, afraid, etc. Since yesterday, I lost some of my appetite (can only stomach half of what I usually eat) and started throwing up because my stomach was too full. I don't know how this relates to the other things, just wanted to lay everything down to better solve this shit.
Yesterday, I went to a psychiatrist, will go again on Friday, and am also taking homeopathy meds (don't help much, but I don't want to risk getting fucked up by regular meds). I'm not 100% sure, but I think all of this is due to lack of sleep and from these fucking nightmares. I managed to sleep today, even if it was for a short time, which alleviated some of these things I've been going through, but I want an endgame to all this. I've read that nightmare disorders can lead to dissociative disorders and sleep deprivation can make the brain go bonkers. Will try a nausea med in a few hours, which was usually enough to tucker me out, even if I didn't feel sleepy.
But I wanted a third opinion. So I came here with my troubles. So, cards on the table:
What do you fellas take from this and how do I solve it?
I deeply apologize if this seems like aimless rambling, but I'll take any chance I can get to get better. This is pure agony.
Think i have adhd but too scared to go 2 doctor?
hi /mental/
i figured this is the best place to post this, i have in recent times been having more trouble with school especially since starting year 11 and year 12 and having to do more assignments/homework tasks & handing them in on time.
ive never really done homework consistently before, when i was in primary school i did barely any of the set tasks but it was fine mostly because they weren't super strict about it and all i would usually do is sit out a few lunches doing work
when i started high school we got less homework but had one big test or project to do every term, which was a lot better because there was no weekly grind and i could usually finish the projects during class. as for tests i have always been very good at tests so having a test was always nice.
occasionally i would have a teacher where they expect me to show them every piece of work that you were supposed to do in class which i never had. i remember quite a few times when i spent hours kept back after school to finish work, and also many times when i would be sitting at home doing homework tasks for the teachers who threatened to fail me, and it felt almost physically painful to complete them, like an ache in my bones and in my chest.
anyway, i got by and things were going reasonably well until last year where the 'important' part of high school started, there was a lot more work given and i feel like i started disconnecting more and more from school. as always, i didnt do my homework and my grades have started dropping in every subject except chemistry (which i really like), i know that i could be getting very high marks in my classes but i have no motivation to do the work and even if i do, depending on the task, it takes me such a significant amount of time that i feel i would be spending anywhere between 3-4 hours daily to finish all the assigned work.
sometimes i think im just a perfectionist but then i look at what i produce and its shit.
this year, theres a new system for who they decide gets to pass, and the criteria is that you have to complete a set of 'hurdle' tasks to pass the class, and the test/assignment only counts to measure the grade you get. this is worrying me because i know im not good at this kind of thing and i do not want to fail.
i was really hoping this year to get a good ATAR (tertiary admission rank) (i think the equivalent is SATs in the US) somewhere around the 95 range, but trying to do the classwork for subjects that i dont find particularly interesting just makes me want to give up. its not that i dont understand it, just that i cant bring myself to care about something so boring.
anyway, enough whining, what do you guys think? just lack of discipline? or an official real life genuine case of ADHD? and most importantly how do i go about solving it?
of course i have more symptoms than just what i have posted, but at the moment what i posted is the thing most troubling me, if anyone cares i can elaborate more.
>pic related me vs homework lmao
How can i handle this
I have attraction towards younger boys who are in their teenage years. and sometimes it goes as low a 11 years old. What's strange with it is that i don't seek to be powerful towards them, it's the total opposite i which i'll be dominated by them and i always have this desire to submit myself because it's this that arouse me sexualy. i'd like being threat by a boy or sometimes raped softly but i'm not a fan of physical pain and all this shit, i just want to be treated like a girl by a boy and i'll get with sex games with him but he'll treat me good in the relationship. Sex is one thing that i love but i don't place it in top of my interested. I'm more of a love person and most of my fantasies turn are about a relationship with a young boy and i'll be his girlfriend. It's particularly hard to deal with this because i don't know where could i found boy who interested me as i had rejected all the guy that text me in grindr because they weren't my type and they were kind of too old for my criteria
I'm a 18 yo boy btw
Aspie or Shizoid?
Not sure if I am really an Autist (Asperger tier and actually diagnosed) or just Shizoid. From what I have read Aspies have all symptoms of the schizoid personality disorder as well. The main difference is they have em their whole life while shizoid personality disorder is supposed to develop after puberty.
My mental stability got into a crisis in middle school times and I have all shizoid symptoms. I am mostly absorbed into myself, can't really express emotions through body language and I am distant etc. But I really am not sure if I was always like this.
My mother thinks that it must be Aspergers because I had "a very mature vocabulary" at the age of six already and I guess I did kinda well in school. But yeah. Not sure since I had normal friendships as a kid and wasn't THAT socially awkward or isolating.
So long story short… does anyone here know a way to tell SPD and Aspergers appart for sure? I am hoping there are dome deeper differences in the similar symptoms so I can find out. Thanks in advance.
Anybody knows youtube series/channels similar to this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgxaHyxvCmc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_VDl_2Fk44
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9kclp51T2M&t=16s
Or maybe like movies/audiobooks or what ever? Those are very soothing and calming.
Or maybe those have some sort of a name? Like a style, genre or what ever?
Anything that could lead stuff similar to that.
hello
Happened one day that I just got up and then as the mirror
It's next to my bed when I wake up The first thing I see is my reflection
And I was afraid to see my reflection, I felt as if that was not me
(Awakening has happened to me daily since I have around
7 years and was accompanied by a partial amnesia osea remembered the data
About me and who I was but does not have the everyday memories of life
Daily and since then I've been recovering one or two but I never knew that I
I lead to that
And as if the supposed self from the mirror wanted me to look at her
And because at any moment it would come
(I'm not usually afraid of the murder stories
Or that your reflection is not what you actually think every morning when
I brush myself to see my reflection I think about it and I'm indifferent to the subject but
Not that time and if they ask, no, I had not thought anything of that subject)
Try to touch my own reflection but that's what made me nervous
So I set aside to the point that I was only the reflection of my hand but that
I did not help much (in my mind I only thought things like what happens to me? It's just
My reflection ect) in the end I had to close my eyes and put my hand in the
Mirror and so overcome it but still viea to my reflection as something very distnate
To me since that I only saw him as someone who would not do me harm,
Then I go through the mind play that game of hands that usually play
with kids already know in that they sing things and I did it
Note.1: today 5/24/15: I have given way to the "phobia" of seeing myself in and
The mirror or parts of me (for example my hands, legs, arms) is more
Everyday of what I thought, and I was given an attack and depersonalization
And anxiety like this, now I am reassured after reading that
"Anxiety and depersonalization affects 79% of the population"
A part of me knows that even so it is not only that which I have
But still call me a bit I suppose it is the effect "placebo"
how is physician-patient privilege in your country?
can you say your shrink you are a minor attracted person and not have problems (even if you have children/young siblings)?
can you say you hate sjws just like breivik and not have problems?
can you own a firearm for selfdefence with your diagnosis?
where i live, a prosecutor can make physician show your medical history and other medical documents, maybe he or she can even interrogate your shrink about you… makes me anxious about going to a shrink
I don't think I have BPD but I always feel like my friends are plotting against me. I was talking with my girlfriend and I just suddenly got the feeling she was talking to other guys and/or cheating on me and now I can't shake the feeling and its really fucking with my head, I honestly don't wanna deal with this shit. Anything I can do to calm myself down?
I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder for the past few years and it's really hard to find people with a similar situation to ask for advice. Currently under a panic attack and I was wondering how do you people deal with this to not let it overwhelm your routine like it is doing to me right now.
Ambiance
We have a music thread, but now let's do something different. Ambient sounds and constant stream of miscellaneous noises are a good way to reflect on yourself, meditate and focus on what your life is, can be, and will be, and what your role is in this current plane of existence. Just be yourself, okay?
Your Happy Place
That's it. Describe or post things that put you in your happy or calm place, things that soothe you, tranquilize you and have you drift into a better place, or at the very least, make you a little more stable.
I have ADHD, so I'm easily irritated by a lot of people, I like photogenics places and views, things pleasing to the eye. I'm also a bit of a materialist, so things like these help me find my middleground and help me release a bit of Serotonin.
I don't want to get out of my house, I'm close to finishing first year of uni but I don't wanna get out of my house. Bus filled with niggers and spics, and they wouldn't stop throwing animal corpses in the roungenocideout I have to walkthrough to get to the bus station and come back home. Also uni is filled with queers and lobotomizers making me hate anything that remotely means civilization. Fuck don't want to get out. Bus filled with women and nu-males wearing pro-abortion handkerchiefs are also another thing.
Dissociation & Derealization
Hey, i was a pretty big ghostfag for years but now i think that's the time for me, to explain, i have a friend, he has a big problem, he has a dissociation, he doesn't feel alive, he lives like a zombie w/ no hope, no futur, and he wants seriously to the rope…
The problem is i like him so much, but i feel in him that he doesn't feel the same for me, he appreciate me but he doesn't like me in the proper common sense of the word…
I want to help him, his Dissociation happened after a car crash, he was so shocked, he was young when it happened
Im ready to do everything for him, i saw that to help someone with Dissociation psychist can hypnotise the patient, or do some psychologic tricks to make the suffering guy feeling again that he is the owner of all his senses and of his body
What to do ? Any people who had dissociation and derealization here ? What can i do, and please don't say that i need to ask doctor, i can't, really im sorry i can't that's impossible..
Help me, help me please, i will try everything, i am ready to be a new formed psychiatrist !
Desperate Feeling
Sometimes I get a really heavy intense panicking feeling, almost like I want to do something but there is nothing left for me in life. What do I do? It kind of scares me. It's like a numbing pain, when you know you're supposed to do something, but don't know what, and can't find enjoyment in anything IN THAT SPECIFIC moment, it feels awful. Could it be PTSD? I did call the cops yesterday because I had a panic attack and breakdown due to constant nightmares in my sleep, they said they couldn't drive to the shrink unless someone was in danger, and I'm thinking of beating up my neighbors kid because of the constant stepping they do, which triggers my intense anxiety.
Finally getting treatment
Hey guys, finally got diagnosed recently and accepted for treatment. We couldn't go private so the NHS has to treat me (British). After four years of them being aware, I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression and de-realisation. Nothing has happened yet but it just feels good to finally get things going. Any tips for what will happen next?
Thanks, and happy holidays!
Fresh OC from this morning, my expectations meeting my family physician later on today.
It took me several times to post here. Not out of shame but rather out of desperation. I am discouraged with life and i want to give up entirely. I either wait until I die or I will kill myself. It's just a matter of what comes first at this point.
It's been almost 3 months now that I have been on a fucking waiting list to see a therapist at my local health clinic. I jumped through the all the hoops necessary and attended the mandatory meeting to be on another fucking waiting list with just meds on the side that I got from my family physician which in itself takes YEARS to wait to obtain one. Otherwise, say I have a panic attack due to my General Anxiety Disorder and I miss work, sometimes I can't even get a paper at the urgency of my local hospital motivating my absence from work.
So for the past 3 months, I have been trying to get my life back on track. Trying to go back to school to learn a new trade because when I was homeless at 19 because I just went into customer service since I was still going to college at that time I never managed to get a diploma that would be giving me another more enjoyable for me and would pay more than near minimum wage all the fucking time. Even going back to school is laborious because I had to run after so many fucking retards to obtain the papers I needed to just enroll for the exams that despite being a school on weekdays during business hours would not return my call until 2 days later to tell me how can I get the necessary documents to go to the next step of enrollment.
And then, there's work. Due to my adherence problems with my anxiety issues, I was demoted to a lesser important position at work to minimize the impacts when I miss. This is already depressing in itself but now, at least 3 times this month alone, they changed my schedule 3 times without barely leaving me time to adjust. Now I went from 1 to 9pm to 10am to 6:30pm to 11PM to 7:30AM in the last 3 weeks. In the last few weeks, my family physician gave me a leave of absence for two so that I can adjust to the medication (Zoloft) and I took every day I had to knock on more doors and more ressources for help. Nonetheless, the bumbling retards from work just make it even more stressful and difficult to keep steady. I feel my life is a losing battle and I want to give up. When some autist at work doesnt even do their job right and I fuck up because of it, guess who the blame was put on : me.
At this point, the crisis lines I was offered isn't enough. I NEED a social worker, a therapist or a shrink. I need ANYTHING to give me a name, date and time I can write on a fucking agenda to say I can FINALLY rely on someone to feel better and maybe see some hope but no. I never cried so much like that in the past few days ever since my mom died 4 years ago. I have nothing.
I have no hope. No hope whatsoever. I have a meeting with my physician again at 2:30pm today. I managed to score a meeting after crying over the phone this morning to the receptionist and she tried to assure me that Meanwhile, my dad also said very harmful things to me last night through text about shoving in my face the fact I couldn't repay him the money I owed him FOR THE MEDICATION I BOUGHT to feel better.
This is where I decided I would start mutilating myself again and hurt others emotionally, family or otherwise. I feel myself drowning and just plunging inside the deep of my own sadness and despair. I see no fucking hope anymore whatsoever and I am literally just waiting to die after wasting so much time and energy in the vain hope that something will come through and would put an end to my torments or at least ease them. I started to become explicit about my dark thoughts and suicidal ideas and I started to hurt myself. I hope that maybe this will finally make someone wake the fuck up and match me with a therapist.
It's either that or I die, either by my own doing or because of my health failing me for the last time.
If I never post an update on this within a reasonable time (a month), it will be safe to assume I given up entirely, closed all my openings in regards of therapy and health and I will have killed myself. It's my current plan.
At least, I won't be failing MYSELF, unlike the others.
Dealing with relationships with schizo-affective disorder
So for a long time, I've had problems trying to find a woman to have a serious, commited, and loving relationship with due to the manic deppresive side of my schizo-affective disorder (sometimes the schizophrenic side but very rarely). I'm not an wizard because i've been with women, my issue is finding a soul mate specifically. I'm a 21 year old man who struggles with varying mood cycles and the occasional audio and visual hallucinations (which seem to get progressively worse); my thoughts also tend to be "really strong" at times (that's the best way for me to describe it; maybe overwhelmingly convincing is also adequate)
It's hard for me to understand how other women feel and i get very intense emotions of deppresion, admiration, and longing over little things like comments or body language (I'm hyper-perceptive so i tend to see every little detail and movement, which drives me up a fucking wall because my mind literally has to process it). When a girl isn't interested in a relationship after talking, i become deeply deppressed; when a girl calls me cute, i become super infatuated with them (i feel that these are more of an abandonment issue stemming from my mom though). I'm doing really good at controlling these feelings outwardly, but i feel like I'm loosing my mind and falling apart on the inside. I've talked to psychiatrists and councelors but even though i know whats wrong and I've been working on controlling my schizo-affective, i just feel like I'm getting nowhere and that finding a woman to love may be impossible
>what do anon-bros?
Holy Fuck, I WAS TRAUMATIZED!?
So, I'm currently in euphoria and I'll tell you why; I found the cause of my dissasociation.
If you don't know what that is, it's when you go into a numb-ish state and separate your mind from your reality. It's basically a coping method so you don't feel pain. I've had this for who knows how long, and I haven't felt "Alive" in YEARS, until today, I'm fucking lucid you guys! I actually feel grounded to reality!
https://maibergerinstitute.com/working-with-complex-ptsd-dissociation-and-emdr-therapy/
I have ADHD as well, but I'll have another thread for that one.
Since I have ADHD, I'll make this short. Grew up with a dysfunctional single mother, I was a toddler, she was an alcoholic and had times where she went to the hospital due to kidney failures. Fastforward, 8 years old, I was a spaz, brother did drugs, schizophrenia develops. Fast forward a few years, I am 10, brother goes into forced rehab since he's beaten my mom a few times thinking she is doing satanic rituals on him, and has planted a baby baphomet inside him, he is whisked to the nuthouse and comes back a zombie-ish person, all is well, for now.
Fast forward more years, I am 15, brother has a psychotic breakdown due to taking the wrong medicine, breaks all the windows in our apartment with his fists, spergs the fuck out, screams obscenities at my mom, threatening to kill her, my 3 year old sister is in the same room, being held by my 19 year old sister, I'm 5 feet away from him, frozen in his gaze, blood running down his arms, knife in hand, I am still frozen, completely powerless, catatonic. Somehow, my mom tells him our grandparents are outside, he loves them, so he goes outside to check, I bolt the fuck to the door, slam it shut and LOCK the bitch, then "You expected grandparents, no! It was us, the cops!", bro gets shot by rubber bullets, immediately snaps into his regular friendly persona and all is normal, but goes back into nuthouse. Schizophrenia is fucking crazy.
I go to the futon, shards and all, lay on it, bawl my fucking eyes out, nobody is there to comfort me, never felt lonelier in my life. Bottled it up. Feels absolutely wretched man.
It was at a time I didn't have many friends and was too much of an autist to express myself. Shortly after, I felt like nothing in my life was real, always felt tired, even MORE unfocused, and everything became a blur, the only thing that kept me going was music.
Today was different though, I caught myself in one of my triggers, before I knew it was one. Every time I hear someone laughing, crying, gasping or anything of the like, I associate it with intense pain, grieving and breakdowns and instantly shut everything out due to dysphoria. This time was different though, I sort of let it consume me, and I my trigger HIT me, and I had flashbacks. My brother, my mom, my heartbreaks, my abuse, my bullying. It all somehow came together and made me aware of who I was, and what ailed me all these years.
I linked everything together, and It was enlightening to know that when I didn't shut it out, I didn't feel "numb" feeling again like I've always had. Don't get me wrong, it was an awful feeling to experience, obviously PTSD shit isn't a great thing to experience, but everything came together, and now I'm another step away from seeking help.
I have a psychiatrist appointment at october 1st, so I'll be sure to talk to them about it.
fellow schizo and aspie friends i have question to you
do you have haptic hallucination of pinhead females crawling out your ass to lay eggs at your anus? i wonder if i would feel the same if i had no prior knowledge of biology of this parasite, im sceptical, i have not seen worms in my ass or shit but i do play with shit and feel something tiny crawling in my ass, i have never read about such hallucination, probably because schizos dont like talking about embarrassing things
i might play with shit because i like touching it (solid shit not fluid shit), asperger's syndrome has been suspected in me since my childhood but i have no official diagnosis of it
do you like playin with shit too?
ah i also had haptic hallucinations of flies and mosquitos landing on me, but again im not sure whether it was a hallucination
I understand ADD is not very sitnificant, but I hate losing my train of thought, my inabaility to really organize, my lack of motivation, me being easily distracted and my childish tendencies that occur when I'm alone. I hate how I am impatient frequently and how life seems so overbearing to me. Anyone else struggle with ADD?
Transgender
Hey is this the right board for a few mtf questions since I don't want to go back to /lgbt/ on 4chon? I'm a virgin in my early 30's and I'm thinking of taking female hormones so I can become more trapish. I'm pretty manly already, but if I can't get a gf, I at least want a girl's bubble butt to masturbate to, and maybe some tiny tits. Maybe I'll even do liposuction to get a bigger butt? As a plus I''ve read that estrogen can reduce my sex drive so I can stop fapping two hours a day and be more productive.
Embarrassing things
Post about embarrassing things your mental illness makes you do.
I compulsively pick at my face. Look closely at your pores: do you see some white stuff slightly poking out? That's called sebum, and boy is it satisfying to force it out of your skin. As we speak I have a big bleeding hole on my left cheek because I tore off too much skin. I still feel like squeezing that spot because some part of me thinks there might be even more sebum or cystic fluid hiding inside. It's gonna take at least a week to heal, and during that time I'll be too ashamed to show myself outside.
A part of me has wanted to die for years, I am unsatisfied with myself, with this life and I feel like I'm not really part of it. I just wish things could have gone different for me, and I'm sorry to everybody I've hurt or for the paraplegic child in my middleschool who died years ago, I never talked to you, but I remember you to the day you weren't there anymore. You deserved more than what I got. I am a weak person, and when my dad dies, I'll finally end it all.
Talking to Myself
I know this seems kind of cliche, but lately I'm getting pretty worried. You see, I am quite the hermit NEET, and due to this I have talked to myself since I was a kid. This was completely benign, I would make up imaginary adventures with friends and whatnot, but as I've grown up, the fantasies that I talk about seem to be getting worse and worse. Sometimes, when no one's around, I say things on repeat, like "I want/need to kill myself", "I have to die", "You're a waste of space, you deserve to burn in hell", and other stuff. Suicide, of course, has been on my mind for ages, but now, now I'm beginning to talk about my tendencies out loud. As it is, I nearly said I wanted to kill myself in front of my mother, just from the sheer habit of me saying it to myself countless times when I was alone in my room.
My dad has a gun in his shed, and I've been thinking of using it, but if I do I know my mother will blame him for it and make him sell his gun. He loves that gun. If I go through with my death wish, I'll have to use a different one, perhaps in the car away from the house. The only trouble is that I'm a poorfag, so I might just go the rout of hanging myself. I've found a nice, abandoned building to do it in, that way no one will find my body.
Social anxiety and misanthropy
So I have felt those feelings for almost my entire life, but in the last 4 months it gotten sever, and of course it doesn't help I have been also severely depressed on and off during this time. This morning after seen so many people at the train station and in Uni , I was nauseated; I just hate seeing random people, I hate interacting with people (and lately I mostly dealt with assholes). I don't have much of a friends and I only like my family. Does anybody have similar experiences and good ways to cope/deal with it ?
Im i dead inside ?
>All possible fetishes : scat zoo incest necro cannibalism uro bdsm small penises traps cartel dismembering pain rape…
>feels a lot of emotion but in fact, at the end nothing come out of me
>no future for me, no job, nothing even if i have a strong knowledge in everyting
>honestly want to die
>no family
>fat, multiple hormonal problem, small penis, breast, diabetes, hands shaking like shit everytime, not ugly but i haven't a masculin face
>poor & french
>one friend only and i see it few times a month
>lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy
>fap 5 times a day
I surely forgot a lot of other stuffs but this describe my actual life
The sociopath in Montana won.
It's a sadder day than you would think when you realize that it is relatively easy to manipulate most people. In the U.S. alone the religious industry is worth billions of dollars. I find that most people who are not in a survival situation seem to have a minimum moral decency to them that won't allow them to take advantage of others who are less mental or physically able than them.
If you're ever willing to explore the dark parts of your thoughts, try a mental exercise where you need to manipulate strangers into giving you $5,000. Sit in a bar or public area and study the people who go by you. Look at how they dress, smell, move, eye contact, religious tokens, jewelry, what they pay attention to (and disregard), and every part of their body language, so on and so forth; all vital information in making an split second (but educated) assumption about someone.
>nobody will ever love you because you're a damaged goods mentally ill degenerate freak and not even licensed professionals can help with your problems
>every accomplishment you attempt will only be hindered by your own inability and you will only be able to work a menial job barely breaking even just to survive
>the only people who are interested in you want to convert you to their politics so you can be a crusader for their nebulous causes
>the trauma keeps you up every night
>you just want out of the misery but you're too much of a pussy to order the helium tank
>every ideal of masculinity you strived for you couldn't meet
>worst of all, no friend will even put up with your bullshit for too long so you end up invariably alone or hooked on e-communities where nobody knows your secrets and you can never tell for fear of driving off what little compassion you can eek out
>you deserve all of it, too, and you don't even blame anyone else for rejecting you because you'd reject yourself too
>no amount of self improvement can fix the core deficits people avoid you for
i just want the pain to end now okay
please take me off the ride
Your Halloween Experience
Did anybody here pass out candy last night?
My parents decided to skimp out because we're camping out in an apartment for now. I was planning to sit on the porch of the house we're going to move in and pass out candy and burned copies of Costume Quest, but since I didn't have candy and can't drive a car I wasn't able to do it. My mom told me that she was going to drive me out to the town so I could at least see the houses or something, but by the time I got up at 5 she was getting ready to go to bed. At least my dad ordered a pizza and that was okay.
Life is a chore at this point
I see no future and i have no hope on days i am not stuck in school and studying( i don't even know why i go to school let alone study) i just lie in my bed and listen to edgy music and watch some anime.
I used to be very depressed now i don't even feel anything, it's like i try to live a normal life but i just can't interact with humans, normalfags make me sick, i have gotten so disinterested in humans,so socially retarded that i don't even remember being normal anymore and the fact i have not killed myself is amazing to me.
and here is a fun story
my father caught me looking at gay zooporn
not related to anything just wanted to add some cancer to this post
Should I go see a therapist
I cut my self off from the world, because I'm afraid of commitment. I can't fight and can't stand for anything because I'm too timid. I have no empathy left and value human lives as much as rats on the floor. I don't do anything to better myself because in too afraid what the future is to hold.im constantly tired and ready for everyday yo be over when it starts. I'm sorry for wasting your time on your boards, but I don't want to go see a therapist due to the fact that one side of my brain doesn't not want things to change. But I'm asking you, should I see a therapist, I'm against self diagnosing. (But if any of you are feeling the same can you tell me what you think it is?
I reply fast due to the fact I have no life.
Self esteem
So I've got this surviving bit of my depression that I battled several years ago, and it's starting to greatly impact my view of the world. I see my self as an unattractive hobgoblin that no one really likes to be around. And by now since it started, roughly three months ago, I can predict that if not handled it will bring another bout of depression. I don't know what to do about it, hence coming here of all places to look for help
Help me kill myself
I want to kill myself. I'm 100% set on it, but I also have some conditions I need to make sure I meet:
1. I need to do it with something that I can get over the counter or by mail
2. I need it to dose it so I'm 100% not able to be resuscitated
3. I need to do it somewhere that it won't be my family or friends that discover me, but also so that it won't ruin some poor innocent person's life finding me. (I'm thinking a hospital bathroom since the people working there are used to death.)
How do I do it, /b/? Help me, please.
What's wrong with me?
I think I might have some sort of personality disorder (have been diagnosed with other mental health problems) but I don't know what because the group of symptoms doesn't fit with any convential diagnosis I can find
-extremely insecure. any time I have a conversation or even lesser social interaction with anyone I am constantly observing their behaviour and thinking about what their view of me is
-very paranoid and mistrustful of everyone
-very quick to irritability (not anger)
-zero empathy or guilt, I'm not saying this to be edgy but it's true, I've never attacked anyone physically but I have done really terrible things and although I sometimes feel fleeting shame I never actually feel bad about it
-very impulsive, not much concern for my own wellbeing
-extremely workshy
-never really feel any emotions apart from worry, irritability, self-hatred, and fleeting moments of good humour
-inability to enjoy anything
-form quick, strong friendships with people that usually last about 6 months until either they realise what I'm really like or I stop wanting to spend time with them and ignore them, all my friendships end like this
-lie constantly, not pathologically but whenever it could benefit me, even after people have lost all trust in me
-despite all this, generally try and be superficially nice to people and never want to hurt anyone (just don't care at all if I do)
-literally cannot think about anyone but myself at all, whenever I think about other people it's always through the filter of what they mean for my thoughts
-however, very passive and vulnerable sometimes because of my insecurity and sometimes get treated badly by people myself
-never feel lonely, never feel fulfilled, just bored and nomadic
I think there is something seriously wrong with me, I'm 24 by the way and I have been this way all my life. I have had emotionally traumatic experiences in the last few years, not much before then, but they never hit me properly. No friends, never had a proper friend. To be honest I think I am likely on the ASPD spectrum, possibly quite strongly, but I don't know for sure. I am quite self aware about it and I don't like it. I want to die because I never enjoy life.
I think I am broken
When I was little, it was pretty clear I wasn't normal. I wasn't gullible like other children. I took everything seriously. I would throw fits about random things. Instead of taking me to a doctor, my parents decided to beat me until I would stay quiet. I would lay there in the floor, crying silently. My dad would tell me to "man up" and call me a wuss when I cried when I hurt. Some times, my mom would laugh as she hit me. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety. My parents, being like they are, used this as a way to threaten me to keep me quiet. They told me, every time I got angry at all (no matter how severe) that they would put me in a mental hospital and have the state take me away for my families safety. Now that I am older, I no longer feel emotions. The only emotion I feel is anger. I don't cry, I don't laugh, I don't smile. I can't look people in the eyes. I don't like talking. I only get angry. When people compliment me, I get angry. Sometimes, I get flashbacks to when my parents would beat me, and I get so angry that I punch things and smash things until my hands bleed or I hurt too much to keep going. I don't know what to do. I am still in high school. I don't want to go to the school because I am scared I would be turned over to the state. I can't go to my parents because they would turn me over to the state. My dad would not care. I am lost. I don't know what to do.
OCD
I am in need of your advice, anons.
This condition has become a burden to my existence. I am in control of my actions(philosophically, to an acceptable degree), but not very much for my thoughts. This is causing me a lot of trouble in my life, I can't be social, because i'm kinda afraid of people(unless i'm at work, where the environment and the interactions are predictable), I get anxiety attacks when I do any form of a speech or a presentation, because of all the unstoppable thoughts of failure and doubt, I sometimes look at people sexually even though I don't want to, and really try not to, I just can't control it, it's very embarrassing.
The main problem with OCD is that the more you try to shut these thoughts off, the more intensively you'll have them, it's so easy for someone to simply say "relax", but I can't, it's sort of a paradox at this point.
Society is only familiar with the acceptable side of OCD, like wanting everything to be ordered or aligned, seeking perfection all the time. This is why when you mention having OCD, it doesn't resonate with them as a serious mental problem.
When I was young it wasn't obsessive to that degree, it started to affect me slightly starting from high school, but I didn't know what's going on, until late in college, when I got really fed up with it, I started reading about it, but knowing what's going on didn't help much, i'm 26 yo now and leaving my apartment is an everyday challenge for me, and not leaving the apartment only worsen my condition.
I always ask myself "why me ?", but i've come to realize that it's pointless to ask, somebody's gotta fill in the crazy guy role.
Strange sexual paraphilia
Ok, i know it's not a complain about how fucked up you are thred but i don't know where else could i post this.
>Be me
>Be a 18 yo male
>Only get an erection through the fantasy of getting fucked or suck a dick
>Somehow attracted to girls, but not sexually
>Just want cuddle,kiss and that they'll see me get fucked by a boy while they'd be laughing at me
>Hates girl and thinking sometimes that they doesn't deserve to live
>Wish i'd be dominated during sex just as women does
>Attracted by young pubert boys to teenagers age
>Can't act on those fantasies because it's prohibited
>Tries to find a bf who are at least 16 yo but unable to find any because socially isolated
>Only person i speak to is a 16 yo girl but i hate her and love her at the same time. i mostly just texts her abouts my fantasies with boys, some fucked up lies i told and she doesn't even answer me most of the time or she just text me i'll go to bed
>Got in jail for half a day last year because of a similar situation with an other girl (22yo) in which i lyed about having done screwed up shit
>Grindr suck even though i'm curently in touch with a 17 yo boy
>Is on medication and went through some kinds of very fucked up thoughts about illusive worlds and spiritual things
What can i do to find a girl who'd like to be my friend and would like to speak about boys just as like all the others gay stereotyped person that we think of are with , ,i wish i could move to another place for a couple of week to find this kind of girl but i'm constantly either working or studying. And i'm also turned on about the desire of having sex with a teenage boy who'd be at least 16yo .
Let's talk.
Why do we still live?
A lot of us have been through crazy bullshit. I've been to two mental hospitals and been diagnosed with MDD and PTSD, probably have some of anxiety disorder as well, and it's troublesome to do anything anymore. I have to force myself to get out of bed, or do a simple task like talk to someone. But I mean, that's not the point.
My point is, that no matter how bad it gets, it still seems like I want to live. Even if offing myself feels like the most logical choice since life brings a lot more pain than pleasure, I still feel myself wanting to live. Why?
Firearms and depression
I turned 18 on the 1st of January. I purchased several long guns within the days following my birthday.
I would like to seek counseling for depression, also. However, I'm genuinely terrified my guns will be stolen from me by the state if I do. How do I go about this, will it happen, etc? Washington State resident.
Does anyone else feel like mental illnesses are actually reflections of the spiritual illnesses of a culture?
The common delusions are ones that are some legitimately important concepts. Being watched by a powerful entity or group, believing oneself to be christ, etc.
I feel a little crazy thinking it, but it makes so much sense to me. And now, seeing how psychedelics are proving to be powerful medicines for things like anxiety, depression, and ptsd, it seems like the only sane thing to believe now. The shamans would take psychs to commune with the spirits, but they had to learn to manage it at a young age. We don't do that for our spiritually sensitive people, so they never learn how to manage their sensitivity.
Hobbies for anxiety
ITT: post enjoyable pastimes that could indirectly help people overcome their anxiety
>freediving
To be any good, you need to learn how to relax to the point that your heart rate is around 40bpm, despite being at constant risk of blacking out and/or drowning. Every freediver I know has anxiety, so it's a good place to make friends too.
>dancing
Helps teach you pretty quickly how to relax and loosen up around other people, without the use of drugs/alcohol, and to not worry how you might look.
>social skydiving
This is a bit tough, but if you can approach a stranger and start up a conversation with him, it legitimately helps a lot. Works best in a school cafeteria because they aren't going anywhere soon, and being students at the same college gives some room for relating.
Did you know your psych is an atheist?
>Something about psychiatry, perhaps its historical ties to psychoanalysis and the anti-religious views of the early analysts such as Sigmund Freud, seems to dissuade religious medical students from choosing to specialize in this field,"
>RELIGIOUS physicians are more likely to refer patients to clergy than psychologists.
Board: Ownership, Banners, Style, Etc.
Hello, lost spirits of the world, this is a new face speaking to you.
Not much of a surprise to people, this board has been inactive as of late, so the old BO relinquished their position and I have claimed it, not much will change in terms of moderation, nor will I remove the style of the board aside from replacing a few banners, cycling threads amongst other thinks that come to mind. Community suggestions are always welcome, the plan is to give people some sort of power in this place, whether it is reminding you to wash your clothes, helping you realize the good you've done, confirming a certain diagnosis or emotion, to talking rising above the events of your now dead relatives that abused you when they were alive.
It does not matter the situation, this place is made for outcasts; for the people that don't fit the mold of society, or even the internet as of right now, or ever, the hurt and hurting, the deformed, the broken and undesirable, the rejected, the angry, the strange, the depressed, the ravenous, the unstable, the dangerous, the addicts, the traumatized, the sickened, the lonely, the empty, the unloved, the frustrated, the disillusioned, the insane, the anxious and scared, the dying, the starved, the mad, the bleeding self harming, the mocked, the hysterical, the sadistic, the desperate, the dysfunctional, the confused, the abused, the hollow and desolate self loathing yearning piles of human garbage that just want to be reminded why they're still living here, the people who need solace, the people who are on the verge of hurting others, the ones who have never had a good thing in their entire lives, the people who want advice for something that is troubling them, the people who want understanding and closure, and lastly, the suicidal. It does not matter who you are or what situation you are in. We are here for you, this is the purpose of the board.
There's not much to discuss as of yet, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I'm a very transparent person so I can answer most questions without a second thought.
tl;dr - you are heard.
