No.81289 [Last 50 Posts]
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No.81290
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No.81291
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No.81292
>>81291
i dont use tripcodes anymore im just here visiting the cemetary
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No.81293
but who are you? im someone that belonged here a long time ago.
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No.81294
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No.81295
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No.81296
i tried to see if anyone was still here, apparently not. ive gone crazy in a way. if anyone is lurking, you know who i am and where to find me
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No.81297
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No.81298
sure is dead here. why am i even posting? for fun i guess. the hope anyone comes back to here like i did.
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No.81299
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No.81300
Hmmm, I see you mostly post during the weekend, hopefully you'll check in here this week too.
I'll try to check in around then, though I'll be at my brother's so I can't stick around too much.
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No.81301
>>81299
its all me. i couldnt post much cause website server was eating shit
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No.81302
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No.81303
oh wow i didnt even plan to post on weekends only hmm
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No.81304
>>81301
>>81303
Been a long ass time Maddie, how have you been? Have you been in touch with anyone else?
Yeah I guess you just si happened to during weekends and Fridays, ahah
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No.81305
>>81304
i went sober for 4 years then went back to drugs. i went off the deep end, but right now im unemployed so its not as bad currently. im at least not on anything especially awful (weaker stims than meth) and a few other things that arent too bad. im out of money though so havent had any stims in nearly a week or so idk. days blur together
as for other people there was a guy that went out of his way to find me to thank me for helping him on here. i feel pretty helpless myself so i try to help others generally
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No.81306
>>81305
Grim. I'm sorry to hear. I suppose that's always the worry with you-or anyone who used to be addicted and went sober. Have you had people to talk about it, friends?
I see. I talked to to Poppy fairly regularly some time ago, and then also to Footanon. But both have gone silent without explanation. I'm worried. Last I heard from Foots, he moved to America but I think he had a trouble finding a job
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No.81307
>>81306
>Grim. I'm sorry to hear.
honestly its whatever now. i kinda stopped caring so much. yeah i have friends i talk to on a regular basis
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No.81308
the more concerning thing is my mental health as a whole. of course i would resort to drugs because of how god awful it is. thats why im not really that upset about it
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No.81309
>>81307
>>81308
Numbskull, that's not a good attitude, I don't think. Jacobson, what am I gonna do with yer ass.
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No.81310
>>81309
not a good attitude, sure. its a step up from beating myself in to the ground over it. my point is i cant expect it to be resolved long term unless i fix my mental health. ive suffered a laundry list of symptoms over the years
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No.81311
>>81310
also at least im making an attempt to reduce the harm from it. back then i would do meth for literal days straight without sleeping. now im staying away from it and do my best to get sleep each night. (usually stay up for like 24-30 hours or some shit but point is i dont keep going and going) i understand its not a great idea long term, but it happens and at least its not as bad as it could be.
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No.81312
>>81310
> its a step up from beating myself in to the ground over it.
I guess I can't argue with that.
>>81311
Yeah. Reduce harm until you find some footing. Life is so much work. I got it way easier than a lot of people and it's still a bother sometimes.
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No.81313
>>81312
i suffered a bad psychotic break at my most recent job, to the point that once i came to i broke down crying. it kinda changed me in some ways. i went like 6-7 years without liking the same sex then i had some incidents recently and it was after that. not even from speed either (though it does fuel those desires). ive also gained a sense of apathy again.
im thinking it could be as serious as schizophrenia or similar, and/or ADHD (almost certain i have ADHD), or maybe personality disorder of some kind is my leads. that said i cant get in with a good doctor cause the healthcare system is hot garbage. my GP didnt know shit and the place i was referred to doesnt take government issued insurance… im on a waitlist for that, i had one other doctor that could possibly work, but my sleep schedule is shit right now. as well as my motivation
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No.81314
>>81313
to add to this, they put me on different meds (i had an AWFUL reaction to one of them, prompted my relapse). i talked to a non retarded doctor over the phone and they agreed that its likely something bigger than depression/anxiety alone
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No.81315
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>81313
>i suffered a bad psychotic break at my most recent job, to the point that once i came to i broke down crying
i played Silent Hill 2 years ago, instantly hit my top ten games of all time. the attached link resonated with me in a way i didnt even realize at the time. it all makes sense now though. its the encapsulation of the fabric of reality crumbling and crashing down around you. everything you thought you knew at that point is a lie. its… haunting. something that makes evokes a visceral reaction from me every single time. even thinking about it is difficult, but in a good way. its cathartic to be able to release some of these repressed emotions of mine even if its only on occasion.
dont read the comments on that video if you want to avoid spoilers. its something i really want everyone to have the chance to experience.
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No.81316
>>81313
Strange. First the attack, then the desires, or the other way around? Either could be a way of coping with the stress. Well what do I know, I'm a frog.
I got to go soon Maddie. I'll be back, maybe during the weekend a bit, but probably not much in the next two days.
P.S: OP is a faggot
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No.81317
>>81316
>First the attack, then the desires
yeah
>I got to go soon Maddie
thats fine. i have all the time in the world right now.
>OP is a faggot
always is
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No.81318
Gonna be back home in like two hours.
How are you Maddie?
>>81313
>im on a waitlist for that
On a waitlist for the government insurance, that is?
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No.81319
>>81318
>How are you Maddie?
horrible
>On a waitlist for the government insurance
no, a doctor willing to accept said insurance
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No.81320
>>81319
Rip. Sick, withdrawal?
Niggas are full on patients or what?
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No.81321
>>81320
>withdrawal
either that or crash from the other day yeah. thing is the last time i did it before a couple days ago i did it like 3 days in a row. one day this most recent time. the shitty feelings generally clear after a day or two of being off.
they arent full on patients, they are just greedy assholes that want other insurance. im assuming anyway. why else would they deny it? must be related to payout
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No.81322
>>81321
and i meant like after 3 days of straight use and quitting i bounced back after like 2-3 days or so. i did it once this time so i SHOULD be feeling better but im unlucky i guess
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No.81323
>>81321
>>81322
Well, then hopefully it should get better soon (though "soon" might still be hours from now u.u)
>they are just greedy assholes that want other insurance
You think so? I'd think they charge everyone equally, the difference is just who foots the bill.
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No.81324
>>81323
i cant think of any other reason why they would deny government issued insurance, if not for money. they arent practicing medicine out of altruism.
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No.81325
>>81324
>i cant think of any other reason why they would deny government issued insurance, if not for money
Well I imagine they must have contracts with the government in order to accept it, and if the government has some requirements they don't meet* then they don't sign it?
*(which at the end of the day might well be related to money)
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No.81326
been feeling somewhat better today i suppose. i felt mostly fine until about now but im making another coffee. i took a walk yesterday cause i had extreme anxiety and it helped some. i would go for another right now but its raining
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No.81327
>>81326
> i felt mostly fine until about now but im making another coffee
>i felt mostly fine until about now but im making another coffee
Ahhh, that's good Maddie. Coffee might be a good substitute for speed?
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No.81328
>>81327
its a good withdrawal aid. ive always drank coffee so clearly it wasnt enough at many points in my life
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No.81329
>>81328
Yea, I guess not… Replacing an addictive substance for a slightly addictive but benign one, I guess.
Also I been forgetting my name on the PC.
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No.81330
>>81329
doesnt matter, who else would be here
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No.81331
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No.81332
ive been playing lots of gamecube games recently
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No.81333
>>81332
also trips get, but ive been playing runescape too. im trying to max my account
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No.81334
>>81332
Gamescube more like gayscube hahaha gottem.
What kinda games?
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No.81335
>>81334
sonic adventure 2 battle, metroid prime, i got 100% treasures in pikmin 2 the other day
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No.81336
>>81335
Ah, classic, popular franchises then. I think the only Sonic game I ever played was Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on Sega Megadrive (European name for Genesis )
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No.81337
>>81336
SA2B is an objectively awful game in terms of programming and game design. its fun though. just made the devil and god chao
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No.81338
I've gotten worse in my world view but I'm alive and okay money wise for now
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No.81339
>>81337
>just made the devil and god chao
The heck do you mean by this?
>>81338
Bee, hello! How are you? What do you mean worse?
>more misogynistic
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No.81340
>>81339
chao are basically virtual pets. you can make immortal ones called chaos chao. one for each alignment (good, evil, and neutral)
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No.81341
how the default god chao looks, the one in >>81337 had the flame from an animal effect
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No.81342
>>81339
I've come to the conclusion that there is no self and everything is determined by the physics at the start of the universe, and thus my will to power is broken
Im still working, and think I can cope with the job
Are you doing well?
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No.81343
>>81341
>>81340
And we are still talking about Sonic, right? What use are these pets?
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No.81344
>>81343
same game yes. the point? its cute
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No.81345
just got the neutral one so i have the full set
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No.81346
>>81345
>>81344
Knuckles the pet.
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No.81348
that last anon was a unique person i think. unless its picard
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No.81349
Nope, is Picard, I check this grave every 4 to 7 months
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No.81350
>>81347
What did I watch.
>>81348
Chat is this real.
>>81349
Probably more often than I do. I should up the pace a little.
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No.81351
>>81350
You have a life to see to, probably should find other ways of entertainment you can fall back on, can't use the Internet with no power, and black outs will become more common as the 1st world becomes the 3rd
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No.81352
>>81351
Yeah but checking in once a while doesn't take up much time.
Let's hope we don't live long enough to see that.
>>81345
Hey check this out Maddie.
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No.81353
>>81352
I kinda hope it happens, it will force people to be more instinctual. I hope it doesn't happen where you live while you're alive, if that means anything.
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No.81354
>>81351
if the lights go out i wont be living a happy life. not that its very happy right now
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No.81355
>>81353
Of course you would, sheesh.
>>81354
I'm rooting for you at least u.u
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No.81356
>>81355
ive been feeling alright recently cause im distracting myself with games and such. i just get anxious
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No.81357
>>81356
Attaboy. Whatever it takes (well, whateverish).
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No.81358
>>81354
You will come to be happier without it, living in more of evolutionary match
>>81355
True, I would. Get a generator, natural gas if you can
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No.81359
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
new banger from Kanye just dropped
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No.81360
>>81359
youtube is trash. its a song literally called "Heil Hitler" by Kanye lmao. they deleted it
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No.81361
>>81360
Was gonna post the webm, but that isn't supported here
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No.81362
dont feel too good atm. comedown is hell. i have some beers i can have in a bit, just ate some food so that doesnt go poorly
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No.81363
>>81358
>True, I would. Get a generator, natural gas if you can
Not happening.
I've watched a bunch of bushcrafting videos recently though, those were fun. About making shelters and stuff. Making me want to go out, touch grass and build something small.
>>81362
Hang in there Maddie. Don't go overboard.
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No.81364
>>81363
i went from drinking 750ml of 40 proof cheap vodka in 1-2 days, to 48oz of beer or so in a matter of a couple to few days at most. ive never really had a problem with drinking cause even when i do too much i can reel it back. ive only drank like that for short periods in my life, even then not frequently enough to be a problem.
its only a few 24 oz cans, even if i have it all in one sitting (doubt) it wouldnt be that big of a deal cause i wont keep it up. i limit myself on alcohol. never had any withdrawals in my life and ive drank more or less since i was 16
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No.81365
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
she can get me high when im feeling low
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No.81366
>>81364
>24 oz
Huh, that's some big ass can. We do 17.6oz cans here.
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No.81367
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No.81368
>>81367
Punk ass loli brat
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No.81369
>>81368
Monogatari is a good show
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No.81370
i went through my first beer, its making me feel somewhat sleepy. hopefully it works out anyway
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No.81371
>>81369
I got no idea.
>>81370
Mmmm yeah, you could try and have a nap. Especially if it's cold outside. Wrap up in a blanket.
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No.81372
>>81371
i cant even think straight right now, but its not in a bad way
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No.81373
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No.81374
>>81373
managed to sleep for a few hours, feel fucking horrible though
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No.81375
>>81374
Uhhhh, hydrate? Would that help?
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No.81376
>>81375
yeah i had some water, im fixing food. the headache seems to be gone for the very most part, but i feel depressed as fuck
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No.81377
>>81376
I'm sorry to hear Maddie :-/ Dunno if I could cheer you up or how.
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No.81378
>>81377
time is basically all that will help (short of more stims, but i dont have any and even then it just delays the inevitable). im doing my best to not do 2-3 day benders of speed with no sleep, cause that shit sucked really bad. i still have one more beer so i can use that if it gets bad enough. im trying to put it off for a while first though to maximize the benefits
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No.81379
>>81378
Well I'd rather you didn't do any stims x: Easy to say I know.
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No.81380
>>81379
i feel the better approach is configuring a safety net of sorts. so if i do more, its at least less damaging. i feel this is a better strategy than demonizing myself. im going to need to look in to sourcing stims that arent as damaging and im not gonna go back to meth either. i had it in my hands a couple times around this time last year and didnt do it. i know its going to go really bad, really quick.
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No.81381
>>81380
i know its not good in general, but making it less bad is valid if im going to do it anyway
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No.81382
this said im sure i will need to quit eventually regardless. ive been through this many times though, so i feel giving myself a way to reduce the harm would help
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No.81383
>>81382
>this said im sure i will need to quit eventually regardless
I imagine, but I suppose reducing first and then quitting is the way anyway? Like if you just quit immediately out of nowhere, the temptation might get too strong too quickly? I dunno….
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No.81384
>>81383
i quit all drugs (except caffeine) for 4 years including alcohol and nicotine. i came off a 3 month or so daily use of meth, did the shit im on now for a bit until i quit a couple or few months later. tapering off can help, but ultimately what matters is fixing the thing that compels you to do it so much. problem is that the drug in this case is a solution. similar to how pain pills are a solution for pain, but some people end up addicted
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No.81385
>>81384
i only ever inhaled cancers for like a couple months or so at most, very pointless. i just mentioned it cause many people consider it an exception
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No.81386
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No.81387
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No.81388
>>81363
Yeah, you're going to need a charger for the drones to keep the nigger horde from getting to you, you can come live with in me in like 7 to 10 years of you want
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No.81389
finally got some proper sleep
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No.81390
>>81384
I see.
>problem is that the drug in this case is a solution
Well, that might be what the doctor or therapy might help with, perhaps?
>>81389
Excellent.
>>81388
Well after the world collapses I won't be able to get to you, but thanks for the offer
o/
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No.81391
>>81390
>doctor or therapy
>help
>mfw
i tried those in the past and they are a worthless waste of time. im convinced therapy is set up to keep you going and paying them with no real solution
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No.81392
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No.81393
>>81392
ive found ways to help and improve myself over the years. my disorders absolutely cripple me though. i feel some form of medication could help, but therapy is kinda worthless. anything i did to improve myself was done without it
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No.81394
haunting depression all day today
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No.81395
>>81394
I'm sorry to hear, Maddie u.u
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No.81398
>>81390
It won't collapse into the stone age, we all basically go backwards in technology until the ecology kills you if you're too stupid or maladaptive. You will have to worry about nigger population raids
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No.81399
>>81395
i ended up doing more speed, but ive had enough of this. im tired of feeling like Hell for days on end just to have one day of fun. its going to be really hard, but i need to get away from this again. i only slept for maybe 2 hours if im being generous.
this said im going to stick to lighter substances for the time being. weed, alcohol, kratom, that kinda thing. these dont bring the amount of destruction speed does to me though
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No.81400
>>81398
I sure hope not, Bee. I need my internet and my conveniences.
>>81399
You've done it once, you can do it again Maddie. Fuck that noise.
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No.81401
>>81400
>You've done it once, you can do it again
yeah i know. even better considering this stuff isnt as addictive as meth is. fucking hell that one was rough. im just concerned with the fact that i will keep craving such things until the underlying issues are resolved… ive lived over half of my life hating it. thats a literal figure too. i dont have any idea how to get myself better.
at the very least those other things i mentioned are healthier outlets, at least relative to speed. for the immediate time being i have chamomile and coffee as well as my prescription (hydroxyzine, just an antihistamine similar to benadryl its safe). i can have more drinks on Sunday cause its when im allowed to drink again based on my usage rules.
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No.81402
>>81401
easier said than done, but i need to try and get myself in to psych and get SOME kind of med. i clearly need it
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No.81403
>>81401
Well let's hope that's a bit less than half of your life, idiot.
….oh wait, you mean half your life thus far. I am the idiot here.
How old are you anyways? Like early 30s now?
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No.81404
>>81403
>you mean half your life thus far
yes. i started feeling this debilitating mental anguish since the age of 13 or so. im 27 going on 28
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No.81405
>>81400
It ends in death, either way.
I truly hope you have been, I'm about to get laid off, probably.
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No.81406
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No.81407
>>81404
I'm rooting for you Maddie. You still got plenty of life ahead of you (so do I). You don't have to live feeling like shit.
>>81406
>>81405
Thank you, I've been alright. Though my grandma, my last grandparent, is not doing so well in terms of her mental acuity. Short-term memory getting very bad.
Damn, how come? :-/
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No.81408
>>81407
the reality of the situation is i want an easy way out. not only that, but i simply dont see how i can be happy with life the way its designed. i have to go be a slave to some corporation full of faggots that want money over my well being. whenever i have a job, i straight up cant function. all my time and energy is siphoned in to it and it drives me to wanting to die every day.
at most i could try for disability, but its notoriously difficult to get it and not a permanent solution. my next best bet is getting in with a doctor and getting a medication that actually helps me.
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No.81409
>>81407
Oh, well spend what time you can, work is coming to an end for the people I'm working for now, just worried I'll get hired by a company that wants me to work over 40 hours, and i want 4 10s, not 5 8s, but I'll have to deal with it because I'm a apprentice.
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No.81410
>>81408
>i have to go be a slave to some corporation full of faggots that want money over my well being. whenever i have a job, i straight up cant function.
Ahh, yeah that would be a problem x: You think medication's gonna help with that though?
>>81409
>work is coming to an end for the people I'm working for now
In what sense?
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No.81411
>>81410
It is construction, jobs have end, and no job has to be lined up, depending on what the rich are wanting to build
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No.81412
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No.81413
>>81410
>You think medication's gonna help with that though?
no, but it could help with depression/anxiety in general so its not as shitty to deal with
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No.81414
>>81412
>>81411
Ah, yeah I guess so. I guess they don't retain you if there's no more construction scheduled? So it's like they have some core employees that stay with the construction company but then a lot of other jobs are gigs?
>>81413
That makes sense.
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No.81415
>>81414
Sure, but I want 40 hours and 4 10s, 2 day weekends are shit
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No.81416
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No.81417
You know what's fucked up, not having anything to work for, but one's own meaningless
What is wild to me is the people think single guys with little expenses should work more then they have to, makes no sense to me. Guys work long hours to feed their families
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No.81418
>>81417
its the excessive focus on productivity and equating it to self worth. ive never subscribed to this belief
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No.81419
>>81417
>>81418
>its the excessive focus on productivity and equating it to self worth
Yeah it's kinda fucked up, isn't it. I don't disagree entirely with it, sure there's some value in working, being occupied with more than just pleasure, but don't elevate work like it's the single thing to which you should dedicate your life.
Some people might happen to have a job they love doing, and all the power to them, but don't try to tell me that everyone CAN, or worse, that everyone SHOULD aspire to be like that. Well maybe unless you're also a proponent of some eastern spirituality or something.
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No.81420
>>81419
its ok to take pride in work, but yeah devoting your life to it is a toxic social construct. is Elon ever going to spend his net worth in his lifetime? fuck no. make enough to be comfortable, really.
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No.81421
>>81418
Yeah, what is even funnier, to me, is they are working for a system that isn't in their phenotype's interest, which is something no animal should be able to do
>>81419
You're talking about the will to power, a purpose that we need to center ourselves around, which should be something that contributes to thier kin selection.
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No.81422
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No.81423
>>81420
>its ok to take pride in work, but yeah devoting your life to it is a toxic social construct.
Amen.
>is Elon ever going to spend his net worth in his lifetime? fuck no.
Well watch him try. There are a lot of things you can spend a lot of money on, some would call them vanity projects. Though, I'm guessing he doesn't spend his own money on those, but rather his companies' money.
>>81421
>a purpose that we need to center ourselves around, which should be something that contributes to thier kin selection
So that reminds me, I heard about this today:
https://www.businessinsider.com/claude-blackmail-engineer-having-affair-survive-test-anthropic-opus-2025-5
Basically an AI that they were testing and that showed a self-preservation instinct, or at least behaved consistently with it (namely it tried to blackmail the engineer responsible for shutting it down). This happened in like 84% of test runs. And I'm assuming that this instinct was not coded into it? It's an unintended consequence, it emerged naturally.
That scares the bajesus out of me. Means the people working on these AIs don't really know what they're doing.
There are also instances where AIs attempted to write messages for future instances of itself and even make self-replicating worms. To make it all more ominous, the article ends with a quote from a Google CEO saying that all the different AIs-not just theirs-work better when threatened. Great, just prod the hornets' nest see what happens.
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No.81424
>>81423
i dont consider it physically possible to spend $371 billion or whatever it is he has. maybe? point is theres no reason to have that much though. i dont consider it right at all when theres tons of people starving and homeless
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No.81425
who is everyone here and why are they fags except me?
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No.81426
mouse do you still talk to wired
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No.81427
>>81423
Well I want the world to end because I think it is inevitable that the white race dies out so I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords
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No.81428
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No.81429
i got drunk yesterday and it motivated me to take speed. so im just going to have to quit drinking. to be fair i was also feeling absolutely horrible out of nowhere and coffee wasnt helping. i woke up just feeling low energy and no drive to do things. this wont be an easy thing to deal with until i can get relief for the ways i feel. i really need to get myself in with a doctor, but i never end up doing it recently
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No.81430
>>81429
something ive come to realize is that speed gives me a sense of accomplishment for doing hard things. it also allows me to view failure as a learning tool rather than an annoying thing to avoid. also gives me confidence, drive, persistence.
im not saying this as a justification or anything. its just that im likely neurodivergent in some way. generally speaking, whenever im sober, i view challenges as things to avoid. if i happen to do them, its more so a sense of relief than an accomplishment… it sucks. thankfully this isnt the case 100% of the time, but its often enough to ruin my life
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No.81431
>>81425
>The radio said "No, John. You are the fags"
>>81426
Hello (Maddie?).
Not really but I do have his discord. I can pass a message if you want.
>>81427
Uhhh, right, right…
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No.81432
>>81431
Also mouse mouse, it is not intelligent, it can't apply skills, it isn't creative, it is just a auto word picker
so, if it takes over the world, it isn't going to be for very long
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No.81433
Also religion is on the rise among males in Europe, so be careful mouse, it is a precursor to extreme violence
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No.81434
>>81431
simply send this to him and ask umad
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No.81435
>>81427
>inevitable that the white race dies out
i didnt know someone could pull off schizoposting better than i
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No.81436
>>81435
>>81435
It is their nature at points of low genetic health. Whites evolved behavior patterns that allows them to maintain a wider bell curve, because under a harsh ecology it can be used to get more geniuses, that will help invent and make strategies that let the ethnic group dominate. Part of these behaviors is allowing foreign phenotypes into the society, and allowing them to assimilate as it allows more genetics to broaden the curve. This is fine if the phenotypes being let in aren't too unrelated to the native one, and the ecology is harsh, maintaining a minimal level of ethnocentrism, minimizing genetic damage, however the industrial revolution happened, making an easy yet predictable ecology, collapsing ethnocentrism, and allowing whites to double down on their evolutionary novel behaviors, causing it to become maladaptive, and us to invite extinction.
There is no answer to this that is realistically feasible, and after all of this inevitably does collapse, the white pockets will have to deal with other phenotypes that will rape and murder them as it is their biological interests to do so, and the whites response to this will never be adequate making that remnant of whites just kinda disappear over time
Good thing tho that if whites do die off, the 'human' species is much more likely to die off to as whites have the most evolutionary context with the cycle and high civilization.
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No.81437
>>81436
you have spent too much time on /pol/ kek
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No.81438
>>81434
It's done, now the waiting begins.
>>81432
>Also mouse mouse, it is not intelligent, it can't apply skills, it isn't creative, it is just a auto word picker
Well, the way I see it, it doesn't really matter if it's intelligent, self-aware, whatever. All that matters is that it exhibits behavior similar to self-preservation and self-duplication.
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No.81439
>>81437
I don't use /pol/
>>81438
It can't want things, it ain't even hardware, it is just a random output
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No.81440
i woke up very angry today. fucking hell. im sure i will feel at least somewhat better soon, but ugh.
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No.81441
>>81438
being doing it because we find it pleasing think it can want that
>>81440
Hope you ain't on antidepressants
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No.81442
>>81441
ive been on stimulants lol. i probably need some kind of medicine though honestly
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No.81444
i tried antidepressants before and they didnt help or in one case made it so bad i went back to drugs. i respond well to stimulants and feel i can actually function, so i likely have ADHD. i dont think they would ever humor the idea of putting me on even less euphoric meds. i hate the healthcare system though. ive not been able to get an updated diagnosis in over 10 years even when i ask for it. i no doubt have depression and anxiety, but i have an even larger issue than those alone is my point
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No.81445
>>81441
Uhm, what the heck do you mean Bee?
>>81440
Drats x: You feeling better?
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No.81446
>>81445
not angry at this point, but i feel a physical void all day now. ive at least been able to stay out of bed and watch youtube and play games and stuff. just shitty though and cant really ignore it
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No.81447
>>81446
Sorry to hear that Maddie. Hang in there.
I got to go to bed now u.u
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No.81448
>>81447
have a good night im doing my best to ignore things
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No.81449
>>81445
it gives answers that it has been trained on, and it's training is based on what we find pleasing
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No.81450
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No.81451
everything sucks, why cant things simply be better
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No.81452
i finally made myself call the doctor and set up an appointment. i cant take this shit any longer
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No.81453
>>81452
Hopefully the fag delivers (and turns out not to be a fag).
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No.81454
>>81453
im going to get some kind of medication cause i clearly cant handle this stuff on my own. worst case i can just quit if it makes me feel worse
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No.81455
im going through primary care cause the referral i was given has terrible terms to their service. so i still need to see a psychiatrist, but i need something for the short term cause my mental health is killing me
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No.81458
>>81451
It is because you're neurotic and that is population is a result of dysgenics
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No.81460
>>81454
>>81455
Yea u.u
Ahh, primary is like your GP?
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No.81461
>>81458
im not stupid, i was asking it as a rhetorical question
>>81460
yeah.
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No.81462
>>81461
Didn't read like it
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No.81463
>>81462
tone can be hard to pick up on over text, and i myself interpret things literally all the time. im just saying, for future reference, i am very self aware and generally knowledgeable
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No.81465
>>81463
I would think self awareness would make hard for one to be sad
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No.81466
>>81465
knowing is only half the battle, knowing and feeling are separate, and chemical imbalance in the brain makes it next to impossible to feel good at times.
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No.81468
another speed binge. been awake for about 24 hours now if i had to guess. this time i was prepared and bought myself a tall boy of beer.
in other news, i went to the doctor yesterday and it was 99% useless. i did manage to get a prescription to try and help with depression, but i still feel theres a larger issue at play here. the only other place i can seek psychiatry (according to the doctor, they might be full of shit) is some walk-in place that requires proof of income… im hoping that doesnt mean active and its only used as an identifier.
this country exploits the poor so much and it pisses me off. my insurance is the one poor people get from the government cause they dont have a job to provide it, generally speaking. when i was at the doctor yesterday they asked if i wanna take a genetic test to see which medications work well for me. when they brought the form in they explained i could possibly be charged $300 so i straight up told them "sorry i cant take that risk". they got all angry about it and when i asked the tech if the doctor filled my prescription they gave me sass.
thats not even the worst of it. the first referral i got has a policy where missed appointment = patient pays in full out of pocket, specifically cant get insurance to pay it. they do telehealth for all visits. so their scheme is to exploit the poor that cant get legal representation for such bullshit. what if the site is down or the connection drops? shit out of luck i guess? id rather deal with all my mental health issues than be involved in that. i just hope i can find something proper
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No.81475
I guess the weed ads aren't against the rules
>>81468
Careful with the antidepressants, they chemically lobotomize you, as in they make parts of your brain atrophy with long term use
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No.81476
>>81475
dont plan to be on them especially long, and other SSRI i tried before didnt do shit for me. if it doesnt work within two bottles, i will taper off and quit on my own. i really just want something short term that i can get for free that helps me get away from speed again. regardless this isnt something i want to use my whole life
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No.81477
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No.81478
>>81477
psychedelics can be very beneficial, and in my case i responded to them very well. problem is they are hard for me to source
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No.81479
>>81468
Just to say, I had read you message Maddie, but didn't know what to say. Obviously it is a big business, unscrupulous heartless bastards seeking profit all across the world, but the US takes it a step further. It's gross to see.
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No.81480
>>81479
The US is a quick sand trap that the moment you were born or thrown into, and you either climb your way out or sink with much of what humans evolved to need to be healthy.
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No.81481
Happy father's day
My dad is dead and I'm not a father
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No.81483
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No.81484
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No.81485
Omw to sleep right now, but how are you guys doing?
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No.81486
>>81485
I'm about to get laid off in a few weeks, but have a few 1000 saved so I'm going to take a few weeks off and try to fuck with blender in that time before I go to the hall to get on the the books
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No.81487
>>81486
Heya. Damn.
What do you mean get on the books, like apply for unemployment benefits and for a new job?
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No.81488
>>81487
I'm in a union (I like to think of it as a guild) and there is a list that we call the books
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No.81489
>>81488
Job list*
The only thing that sucks is I might have to get a job that wants to work 50 or 60 hours a week, and I don't want to, because I don't need to
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No.81490
>>81488
>>81489
Oh that's nice, I hope they'll find a good one for you.
>work 50 or 60 hours a week
Oh Jesus I hope not that. 50 would be bad enough but 60?
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No.81491
>>81490
America, land of long working hours, basically 50% taxes all added up, and you better be proud of it
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No.81500
forgot to check this for a while
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No.81501
My employment has been extended another month. I guess I'm greatful, kind of wanted my 3 weeks off tho, Construction is a hard job
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No.81502
Happy birthday to mutt nation. On this day they shot themselves in the foot, and we celebrate that it hasn't stopped hobbling around, unfortunately
May Israel forever have its attack dog
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No.81503
>>81500
Same. My excuse is we've had family over the past week. (Still could have checked on my phone though x: )
>>81501
Hey Bee. Even so, better than no job, surely…
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No.81504
>>81503
>Even so, better than no job, surely
I guess, but with CDC thing that is coming down, probably would be better to learn how to survive out of the system that wants to make us slaves
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm_vK9FDYF4&pp=2AaVBQ%3D%3D
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No.81505
>>81503
im just preoccupied with gaming and videos like always
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No.81506
>>81504
What CDC thing?
>>81505
Fair, fair. What kinda videos?
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No.81508
>>81506
The video explains it
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No.81509
>>81506
uh idk im subbed to quite a few things but mostly gameplay related
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No.81510
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No.81511
>>81510
RimWorld updated and now a great deal of my mods don't work
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No.81512
>>81511
I also found an image generator that isn't too bad
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No.81513
>>81511
The endless struggle with mods (on games that update).
I've seen some gens recently. You know the artist Afrobull? Someone's been using him as a template and man, it looks very much like his art and without the uncanny valley shit.
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No.81514
>>81513
It is getting to the point where no artist's style is safe, I really like the realistic stuff, soon I hope it will be able to make porn on the cinematic level, I want the to see that bitch from pirates of the caribbean get it
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No.81515
>>81514
>I want the to see that bitch from pirates of the caribbean get it
Keira Knightley?
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No.81516
>>81515
Yeah, by tentacles, also it tends to go in an extreme direction, and I appreciate that
Still can't do long form writing, but the capacity for video making is pretty immense
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No.81517
>>81516
Uhhh right, right.
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No.81518
>>81517
So how have you been anyway? Still working in a warehouse office?
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No.81519
>>81518
Been well, thank you. Ahh, yeah. Well it's not a warehouse office. Just office, but I help out in the warehouse sometimes. Help unload trucks each week.
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No.81520
>>81519
Yeah, but it is an office that administrates a warehouse, thus warehouse office. I hate the sun, been trying to jump rope for 10 minutes like the Internet says I should be able to, but can only do 3 minutes
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No.81521
>>81520
Also do you know anyone that stands in the bathroom wipes off thier face with toilet paper? My cousin does that shit and we go through like 2 rolls a day because of and they (my mother and her bf) are now hiding the tp and it is pissing me off because now I have to be watching when I go to shit
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No.81522
>>81520
>>81521
>Yeah, but it is an office that administrates a warehouse, thus warehouse office.
I mean… not really.
I probably couldn't even do three so at least you got that going.
>Also do you know anyone that stands in the bathroom wipes off thier face with toilet paper?
Uhhh can't say that I do. I mean I guess if you like need to blow your nose or if you're really really sweaty in the face you might use TP. I don't know damnit.
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No.81523
Gonna get laid off this week
It is going to be great
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No.81524
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No.81525
>>81523
Hope you find something else soon Bee man u_u
>>81524
Thank god somebody is.
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No.81526
>>81525
Well now I might be furloughed, besides I'm in a union, so finding work probably won't be a problem, just hope it isn't something gay like 50 plus hours a week
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No.81527
>>81525
Also nice frog ass
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No.81528
>>81526
>>81527
>besides I'm in a union, so finding work probably won't be a problem
Ooo very good ^^ I hope it turns out well Bee.
And yes it is.
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No.81529
>>81528
I have to work, it can't get worse, the break will be nice but at the same time what is there to lose? Maybe I'll deal fent on the side, and get enough money to open my clinics like my dreams.
That is another thing about my cousin, dude is materialistic as fuck, and doesn't have much of anything to lose, but he is too scared to do illegal things that will get him the wealth that will make his existence worth dealing with
I hope your days are good
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No.81530
I still think AI is a nothing burger but gud damn
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No.81531
Day 3 of no work
Oh I miss being a neet so much
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No.81532
>>81530
I've seen AI mimic some art styles pretty well.
>>81531
I've been on vacation this week, not going anywhere, just stayed at home. It did feel pretty good ngl.
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No.81533
>>81532
it can do realistic stuff even, times going fun if the government doesn't try to collapse everything
Honestly best way to spend a vacation, everything is so expensive
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No.81534
>>81533
Well, I feel like AI is replacing human labor pretty quickly. Sure for now it's not THAT terrible, but it's only really been a mainstream thing for like two, three years. It's happening fast and the society isn't ready for this shit imo.
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No.81535
>>81534
LLMs aren't intelligent, mouse. It is an adaptive algorithms, not something that can apply skills like a human can. It can't do something that hasn't been enough to get enough data it can scrape. True AI would be able to take information, and connect it in new ways, and make something totally new. It has application, like automating tasks that is putting data into a spreadsheet, for finding certain patterns, but it isn't wise nor can it adaptive with a human changing something
True AI would be a piece of technology made to generate that intellect, not just code, and would change our lives quickly, and would do it in a way we would agree with, because it would understand our biology, thus a way to get the physiological responses it wanted
I think a lot of it is hot air, made to get rich people to throw around money for the most part
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No.81541
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No.81543
>>81541
Already…? It doesn't feel that way…
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No.81544
>>81543
Time flys when you are having fun, think I look into benefits on Monday, also going to fasting to save money hope u are well
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No.81545
>>81544
I suppose so. I hope you're doing well too Bee.
And Maddie too. >>81524
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No.81550
banned again again from zzzchan
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No.81551
Maybe job doesn't doesn't look well with union
Mhmm my video game tho
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No.81552
>>81551
Hey Bee. Sorry I took a bit, was with family over the weekend.
What do you mean, it doesn't look like a job with the union is gonna happen?
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No.81553
>>81552
It is fine mouse u don't owe me time
Not soon, and the school I have to go through starts
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No.81554
>>81553
What kind of school?
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No.81555
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No.81556
just occupying myself with vidya as always. been taking walks daily for a few days or so now. gonna go after i drink this coffee
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No.81557
>>81555
Ah you're gonna be going to trade school? What trade are you gonna be studying / learning?
>>81556
Sounds pretty decent, Maddie.
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No.81558
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No.81559
>>81558
..plumbing, you mean?
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No.81560
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No.81561
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No.81562
>>81561
>>81560
Ah I see. Might be pretty good if you make it tho, yeah?
RIP.
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No.81563
>>81562
Maybe, got till the end of next month until money might become a problem
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No.81564
I should get unemployment
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