/fringe/ - Fringe

11/10/24

15th coom of the year. NNN is really turning out to be a big failure. The whole end of the year was a mess, I'm extremely horny and I forgot how to say no to porn

02/12/24

16th coom of the year. I didn't really go full into watching porn again but I kept telling myself I'll just tease myself. Well of course I know all porn watching leads to busting but I still believed I am in control. I was proven wrong, for the hundredth time. I did not expect this coom, it came out of nowhere, handsfree bust like many before. I have to stop going there man, I need this to be the last relapse. I'm going on a downwards slope, at least I went three weeks instead of a few days, I got out of the downward spiral. I actually visited the page before, today, in order to remind myself why I'm doing this. But the hormones are too strong, I'm a slave to them. I'll have to say not to myself or I'll lose my mind

31 dec 2024 17th coom of the year

Last day of the year started with a wet dream, it was so fucking hot. I was fuckin the fleshlight that was inside this kinky bitch's ass. So of course the chaser effect put me on a spiral, first I played 6 hours of the porn game Aurelia. Didn't jerk it. Then I drove around listening to orgasm compilations. Then i had to wait in my car so I watched 30 mins of pmvs and I couldn't hold it in at a classic favorite. I was shaking it felt so good. Almost as good as the one from last night. That's what I'm talking about, this shit can be godlike. Anyway, of course now I don't want anything to do with the game, I could be listening to orgasms but I won't. I'm effectively asexual until I'll be back here again. I'm sure of it. I'm not quitting this anytime soon. It's too good to quit something like this. Beats EVERY real life experience including real sex

New year new me amirite? I waited so long for this imaginary reset. We'll see how it goes this year with the pussy spell. If anyone's reading feel free to place bets on how many relapses I'll have this year. Happy new year smh

I can already feel the urge telling me to have a peek, just a quick look at a pussy, you know, to get my hear rate up. No busting, just enjoying the forbidden fruit. But I know once I look, it will be over. The whole year will be done for and I'll barely control myself after breaking this new year seal

I owe it to my childhood and adolescence to kick this addiction. If I can't go back and see how my life would have turned out if I hadn't been gooning daily, the least I can do is stop this year. For good. I owe myself that. It's not like I'll be happier with porn, I already went that way. I feel the urge to coom but I really think this time I'll kill myself if I relapse

COOMED.

Didn't need a minute. I'm done. This year is lost

>>142718

>This year is lost

That's silly. There's still 10 months left in the year. How is that lost?

>>142721

the imaginary barrier is gone, thinking this year is a clean slate and I could be free for good. Just right now I'm fighting with the idea that I should just look without cumming. But I was never able to do that, in more than ten years of trying. I keep reminding myself that I am just tricked by my hormones and every lust I feel will simply vanish like at the push of a button. And I came here, I thought I should read my past entries. Thank you for visiting my personal blog on here.

COOMED

Failed again. The fantasy was too great and I am now sorry.

Of course all horniness has left me, I'm left only with the worst of my feelings. I am abandoned, forced to live with the consequences of my action.

>obvious anti-sharty bait

>get permabanned for "bot" spam and appeal denied after I explained the situation

fucking retard mods, where's my free speech, nothing I said was even illegal

like im not even a pedo, but if I was, anti-contact pedophiles are technically legal

but that's irrelevant since this was a link to the sharty

>Sorry. Tor users can't upload files on this board.

https://files.catbox.moe/167l7s.PNG

I almost busted today. It's so sad to see I have all the information about it and I still choose to indulge just for the sake of some pleasure I can't attain. I can't reach that pleasure state ever again, I can't let go, because it means I'll cum. So I just watch with anxiety, fear and stress, for that dopamine hit and that rush. Then quickly close it when I feel I'll bust. That's not pleasurable enough and that's not abstinent enough

COOMED

Busted a big fat nut to just some tits, without any warning. I can't control myself, edging put me on a sensitive state that did not need much

COOMED

I have lost all motivation. I guess there's literally no reason holding me back from cooming. I just don't care about my health, when it comes to mental state, I can fake it no problem, I've done it for decades. I think I'm not trying anymore. I'll go look for resources and try to find why I was so bent on quitting

>>142765

Why not finally move on to the new /fringe/? There are already multiple people receiving help & guidance on there with problems much more complicated and bizarre than your own. They also have designated threads for venting/blogging.

https://8chan.moe/fringe/

COOMED

Fifth porn coom of the year. IT'S OVER. This year is not looking better than the last one

>>142788

In Chaos Magick, It is said that whatever you orgasm to is what you manifest. With that in mind, I think a step you should take in controlling this habit is to eliminate the shame you feel when you ejaculate. The shame you feel everytime you orgasm is creating a self fulfilling prophecy that only gets stronger each time you relapse. If you let go of that shame, I think you'll find the habit a lot easier to control and you'll feel a lot better. I'm just speaking from experience on how I was able to finally control over those feelings and hopefully it will work for you. The shame only made it worse.

>>142790

Over the past ten years of trying to quit porn, I've had many stances about it. I had countless approaches, strategies, mindsets all from various sources, from books to videos to religions or spirituality. One thing has remained constant and I cannot deny. My life is not where I wanted it to be, nor is there any possible way to get out of my life situation. And I'm not a fat incel neet, far from it. I have a duty towards people and I can't just ghost them. So I stay. Of course, my dreams are maybe unrealistic and maybe I will be unhappy even if I fullfilled them. But the fact stands that I am deeply unhappy and I barely care if I die or destroy my health, my energy. If I have more energy it won't change the fact that I have almost zero free time, that's one of the reasons I coom so rarely, I barely have idle time.

So I realized I have two speeds, one is a depressed, low energy wage slave and the second is a high energy sex obsessed porn addict. I can't be lively and have high energy if I don't want to fuck every second young woman I see

I'm actively looking for resources to finally find the truth about sex. I know there's a chance that I find something even after ten years because it happened before with another problem I had searched for years how to fix. One day I will learn the truth, I know it. I'm open to any book recommendations, suggestions of any kind

I'll make this the only place where I share my true feelings. I have no one left to talk to, to really say what weights on me. I have not been this suicidal for almost ten years. I have gone and fucked my life up beyond repair. There's nothing in this reality that can help me, there's no time machine so I'm left with the small doses of shitty dopamine from an occasional movie, scrolling or porn when my hormones take over. I love sleeping, because that means I'll maybe have an adventure, I'll escape my shitty life for a few hours. I enjoy less things that ten years ago. The only things that bring me happiness are sleeping and listening to some occasional podcasts (friendship simulators)

>>142795

If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened that made you convinced your life completely fucked?

>>142800

I won't give any further personal details but imagine it as a long boat trip. You decide to embark on something and you never expected it to be so bad. And you're stuck on this ship for at least four years. I always remind myself to be patient and just wait for the trip to end. You can get off in any port without the ship with the rest of the crew sinking, because you are the only one who knows the controls and you don't have time to teach anyone else

COOMED

Sixth time this year.

I tried to coom today, couldn't do it. Stopped the porn with one of the hottest pussies on the planet because I realized it's getting me nowhere. I bust in less than a minute if I let myself enjoy the moment after a long streak. Two options left, to try to control myself which ruins the fun and makes me disassociate coom once. And second to bust and get it out of the system then again for fun, which makes me a slug with zero energy and willpower. I'm stuck in this reality that will not let me win. There's no winning with porn

COOMED

Seventh time. So the once a month average has been broken again. I guess I was not planning on this but it is what it is. I love pussy too much when I'm pent up by unshot cum. Then I feel empty, like something is wrong. I have zero positive feelings or sensations after. So the rush, the pleasure is just a small moment in time. And I know that, and I choose to pay the price, every time

After almost ten years of trying to quit porn, I've realized that nothing I've experienced in this life has brought me lasting happiness or peace. Not porn, not vidya, not family, religion, relationship, success, work, hobbies, meditation, reading, learning, friends, nothing has stayed with me over the years. I'm perpetually unhappy. And I keep trying to find excitement where I did not find it, for decades. Only because the hormones are telling me it's the greatest thing, it's godlike IF you don't cum

Please, if anyone is reading this, try to help me. Put a link to a place where I can talk anonymously to someone. I have no one IRL, I can't see a semen retention thread on /x, discord nofap servers are pozzed, I'm all alone and have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Days are excruciatingly hard, I want to scream. It's soul crushing but I must play it like everything's fine, the second I complain about anything I get shut down, I'm the problem not this life I have. I just want to talk. I want to ask if I'm crazy when I say nothing is worth living for if you're not rich. Because you turn into a slave that's always working, no time for leisure, meditation or learning

COOMED

Eighth time. I kept telling myself that I will be left with nothing once I cum, I kept lying to myself I'm willing to pay the price. Well now I'm paying it and it's hard. It seems like I've completely fallen off the wagon here. It's the sixth month and I already came eight times. It looks like I'm not quitting this anytime soon, no matter how much I pretend to know how bad it is. When I want to bust, it's only good, no bad. The monkey brain is very strong on me

>>142820

>>142640

>>142820

8chan.se/fringe/

COOMED

Ninth coom of the year. It's beyond over at this point, to reach my revised goal of one cum per month I'd need to abstain until October at least. Which is a three months streak, it would be my third three months streak in ten years of nofap. I coomed at my favorite porn game, which kept me from busting for hours on end. Coomed fast without any satisfaction. I got proven once again how I'm chasing

>>139574

>>142826

anon i coom like once a day ur doing very well trust

COOMED

TENTH COOM. IT'S OVER. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO OCTOBER AND KEEP THE AVERAGE AT ONCE PER MONTH. I CAME IN ONE MINUTE, I HAD ZERO ENJOYMENT

COOMED

ELEVENTH COOM. I DID NOT MEAN TO DO IT. I FUCKING DID NOT MEAN TO BUST. I WAS SO PENT UP I CAME IN SECONDS. I'M FUCKED, I'M SO FUCKED I'M NEVER REACHING THIS YEAR'S GOAL, I HAVE TO SURVIVE UNTIL DECEMBER, TWO WHOLE MONTHS IT'S BEYOND OVER FOR ME, I DID NOT LAST TWO MONTH ALL YEAR!!!

COOMED

TWELFTH NUT OF THE YEAR.

Who am I fooling? This year is failed just like the last one

COOMED

#13

COOMED

#14

I really thought I could pull this off. Actually forgot about my 13th bust and I figured I can get to the end of the year without busting, and I'd still have my streak. What a fucking joke I am amazed how I can't seem to be categorical on one decision, no matter which one is it. I don't want to go back to busting because I get all these debuffs (lethargy, pain, brain fog) but I can't go without it because I keep feeling so goddamn horny when I see a tit or an ass. I know everything there is to know, I feel how it's only hormones but at the same time I can't get a three month streak, or at least I couldn't in the last 8 years. Holy shit it's been so long

My cock is leaking from the last bust, I wish I could put it in a foid's mouth to rest after this bust and she'd clean it up real quick. How can I be porn free with a mind like that? Am I going to have this ping pong curse between busting and avoiding it for the rest of my life?

I went back to a server I was banned from because my addiction facilitated an account hack. It was a burner so of course when I felt pent up I just joined a porn server and a "verify" page gave access to my account. It's the first time I got hacked because of porn. I guess I hit a new low. Talking about lows, I keep fantasizing about foids I simply pass on the street. Like what do their pussies taste, feel and look like. How would they look naked, moaning from pleasure or with a dick in their mouths. I wish I could have all the sex I want, but I subconsciously know I won't be satisfied eventually and entirely. The pendulum will swing the other way, I'll develop an std or I'd get some heart disease from too many dick pills since my dick stops working on the hundredth hole. Anyway, that's beyond the realm of possibility for me anyway. I had a harem and obviously I wasn't too happy with it since I tried to quit porn, first time just to cure acne. I got rid of acne and guilt even, and I'm still not fully committed to going back to busting daily. So it's irreversible, but I can't completely let go of that juicy pussy spell. And it's all because of hormones. As soon as I bust, I realize I have no desire to pursue sex anymore. So it's all a veil or a spell that vanishes quickly

#15 #16 #17

I busted a bunch of times while the site was down

>>139574

Convinced this kind of broscientism is just anti-male sexuality like fundies do. I've done the no-fap no-porn thing for months at a time and it just made me perpetually horny even a bit of cleavage got to me. No "semen retention" (whatever that means) or extra energy or drive or whatever other snake-oil this anti-porn xian nonsense tries to peddle. Not falling for that again.

There is nothing wrong with your normal, healthy male sexuality, gentlemen. There is nothing wrong with pr0nz. It's just another form of entertainment for base urges that should be considered sacred and holy, not sinful and devilish.

There's nothing wrong with normal, healthy sexual attraction to women or the female form through art or "not-art" if you wanna stick that label on fap bait.

There's nothing wrong with sex workers and all that.

All so-called studies are a joke, just xian snake oil and twisting of numbers and extremely tiny and limited and cognitively biased sample sizes. Learn to study the studies, don't just take them for gospel.

>>142857

#18

Then what is post nut clarity? Why the more you endulge in it, the worse it gets, your abstaining got to you but indulging didnt? Why do you get brain fog and as soon as you're done, a flip is switched and you dont want sex?

>>142857

If I didn't relapse then try nofap again for a decade I would agree with you. But as I'm typing this I just nutted and all that pleasure and excitement I had before has evaporated. I'm in a literal pit. I'm crashing down after the drug's high. Everything I had a minute ago is gone. I'm alone, frustrated, in pain and everyone who quits cooming is eventually so sick of this cycle they're never relapsing again.

As I approach my eleventh year of trying to quit porn, I realize I learned a lot but not much has changed in my behavior.

Right now I still downloaded a porn game, after permanently deleting my old ones. I feel nauseous, my head is spinning and it hurts only in anticipation of the back and forth I always go through when choosing to indulge in my vice.

Last night I promised I'll be in a full-time post nut state, I'll be doing post nut year next year. Always emulating that clarity post nut when I simply don't care about pussy. But here I am now, playing a porn game.

One way to look at sex is the pleasure aspect, we've already established that cumming is detrimental and it resets everything. So you need to edge, but it's harder to edge the better the game or the porn is. So you're stuck with shitty games and porn because as soon as you find a great one, you bust quick and you're back in the pit. It's incredibly stupid if you look at it but I've known this for years and still pursued porn